Lies, Sighs and Alibis

I hadn’t heard him come in the night before, but looking at him now, it was obvious he had been in a fight. His eye was black, his lip cut, with several bruises mottling his body.

"Celebrate a little too much last night? Or not enough?"

"Come here..Verbena. Mm I would say half and half. I went and spent some time with the family.. Gabe wasn't pleased about it.. but fuck him and his pretty wife.. I mean life."

"Your brother did this to you?" I had so many more questions that would remain silent on my tongue. I had learned not to ask questions about his Kain’s life. What he wanted me to know, he would tell me. "Does it hurt much? Is there something I can get you to make it feel better?"

"Yes he did, but don't be mad...at him. He's a good guy."

"Kain, I've loved the trip, it's been very nice, but.. I miss Charm. When are we going back to Ar?"

"Not any time soon." He grumbled at me and pushed up my skirt. "Maybe two more hands. What's the matter Verbena, am I not enough for you?"

"It’s just that I don't even know where she is, save the fact you said she's staying with family. Who is she staying with?"

His expression turned dark and I thought for a moment he was going to slap me. "You don't need to know where MY CHILD is.. she's safe.. that's all you need to worry for." He was squeezing his fingers into my thighs, marks that would remain long after his hand had left my body.

But just as quickly, the dark cloud waned. "She'll be here in two days."

"Thank you. Can I get you a cool rag for your head?"

"Do you think I am a bastard Astraea?" Ah the talk was about to become more serious. He’d called me by my name. "Do you know we haven't even been companioned a hand and I've cheated already?"

I had known he wouldn't be faithful, it simply wasn't in him to do so. But still, I was surprised that he had cheated on so early in our relationship. I didn't look at him, not at first, my eyes instead staring at his "Have I not pleased you? Am I a bad companion?"

"You always do that.. it gets on my nerves. I fucked her before and I had the opportunity to fuck her again. So I did."

I didn't know what to say, so instead, I said nothing, I was trying not to show how much he'd hurt me. "I'm.. sorry."

"For what?"

"Getting on your nerves." I thought it was something I should apologize for. Maybe not. Well, this was .. awkward.

"Oh for Fuck's sake... there's nothing you have to say? Why did I free you again?"

I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say. Should I have screamed and cried?

"What exactly do you want me to say, Kain? Thank you for cheating on me so

early in our companionship?"

"No I'd like you to have a spine.. Fuck you for cheating on me.. I hate you! Some fucking sign someone is home! I suppose I should be thankful you're so milly mouthed.. but it really is quite boring."

"Why did you companion me? And fuck you for cheating on me." There! Not that it made me feel any better.

"I love you... because I want to be a good man, a good father, and good companion. I want to be these things.. I want a life.. but that won't happen.. I can't." And as stupid as this is.. I want you to know me for who I am.. if I can't be a good man for you.. you at least know exactly what I am."

"So, where does that leave Charm and I? To wait at home for you? I mean, you could have had me in your bed without the pretense of companionship. Why even bother with that when you knew it wouldn't work. That it wasn't for you?"

"I was hoping it would work.. I was praying it would work. I'm trying.. Failing miserably but trying none the less. Do you want to leave?"

Leave. Where would I go? Was an unfaithful man better than no man at all? Kain and I had been through much. "I'll stay."

"Don't stay if you don't want to Astraea.. I am sure you wouldn't have chose this. When Charm gets here, you and she can hop the first caravan back. It needs to happen.. I was a shitty father to Aiden, I'll be a shitty father to Charm.”

And again I asked myself. Was a terrible father better than no father at all..

Truly, Madly, Deeply

I had napped, the long trip and surprise companionship draining me.

When I awoke, I found myself alone, save a red bloom lying on his pillow beside me.

Too, there was a note, one that had a clover drawn upon it. I dressed and combed my hair, finding that when I did so, a piece of my hair was.. missing; cut away, luckily in an inconspicuous place at the back of my head.

I made my way down to the front desk, showing the note to a man who seemed to know me by way of Kain. He sent me down the street to a clothier, where a sign of a clover hung at the entrance. It was she who beckoned me in introducing me to a beautiful set of green robes, which I changed into. Quite an escape from the normal shade of brown I insist on wearing so that I am not seen. Upon the breast of the robes was another note, this time with a heart drawn on it. Another clue, or simply an I love you heart. I wasn’t sure, but when I saw the sign above the Smithy, I knew he had turned this into a game of hide and seek. I poked my head in the door, another recognizing me. This man gave me a box. Within the box was another piece of parchment, two trees crossed in an X and a golden key.

It was the music that attracted me at first, but when I tried to enter I was stopped by another woman. "Ahh Tal my lady.. are you hear fer the ball? Oh.. madame you can not go in without

a mask.. AH!I have just the thing..” The key was taken from my box and put on a thong, then placed around my neck. Too, she gave me mask, which I was instructed to put on.

I have never been to a masquerade before and I was amazed, not realizing there were so many hues in a color spectrum as there were shades of gowns. The men were equally debonair, all wearing masks as well. Somewhere under one of those masks I was sure I would find my Kain.

It took some time to wade through the sea of people, but finally I found him, his mask tied with a braid of auburn hair. My hair.

We danced until I could no longer stand, then sought the solitude of a small garden to eat. He complimented me, he kissed me, but what touched my heart the most was his smile. I true smile, one made just for me. "How handsome you are when you do that curl thing with your lips. You should do it more often."

"Curling thing? Ah! I had an itch.."

"I was thinking of buying a small villa here.. so we could spend my away time here instead of being held up in the Valerian house. We could be a real family."

A real family. Wasn’t that something I had wanted all along? I would have loved to have a villa here, or even a tent.

The villa was magnificent. They key was taken from my neck to open the door. He even carried me over the threshold to what I assumed was the master bedroom.

A set of white larl furs and a bottle of wine had been left to a well stocked fireplace. "So every woman at the dance has a villa at the end of their key? How fashionable."

"To my most beautiful companion.."

I had often dreamed of this very thing. A beautiful house in which I could live with my children and my companion. Tonight was the time for fairy tales to come to fruitation, and I knew that I would remember it for as long as I lived.

My perfect day. If all others could by only half as nice.

Blood of My Blood

"Hurry up there is something I must do."

We’d made good time to the city and I was looking forward to a long hot bath to wash away the trail of dust I had accumulated. But Kain had other idea’s

"What do you have to do? We only got here?"

"LETS GO!" He grabbed me by the shoulder and ushered me down the stairs and into the adjoining café. We were greeted by a very short.. and well rounded man.

"Are you ready Kain?"

Castor removed the bands of leather from our arms, shhing me. Obviously I was not to talk.

The man poured to goblets of wine and drank from one... Kain took a blade out from under his cloak and put his finger to his lip. The man set the other goblet in front of Kain, who cut both our hands, a few drops of our blood mingling first in the wine, and then a small plate that was set aside. Kain took the first sip, then handed the goblet to me.

"Blood of your blood.. to the blood of hers.. binds the two of you together ever more." The jolly man handed Kain a quill, which was dipped in the small droplets of blood on the plate, his name signed to the contract that lay in wait. I signed mine as well, with no idea as to what was in it. But I had to trust him. I had to prove that I trusted him.

Something I never in a thousand lifetimes would have imagined. He actually companioned me. I’m not sure if I should laugh.. or cry. Either way, ours will not be an easy companionship.

I have lived a thousand lifetimes

To find a soul like you

I have searched a thousand towns

A million faces I’ve waded through

I have loved you for forever

And within my heart you’ve always slept

I knew you better then myself

Even thought we’d never met

I have sought the circle of passion

And swam an ocean of need

Been pinioned by my shadows

Been imprisoned by my deeds

I have wept for timeless moments

Been spent on silent dreams

But the essences of raw emotion

Is still deep inside of me

I have waited an eternity

Stole the moon and stole the sun

For yesterday never existed

Tomorrow will never come

I have walked the edge of innocence

Been harbored by the mist

I have loved you for a lifetime

In just one breathless kiss

Chance Meetings

I found her, or she found me, being as I’m never really sure which is which, near the Great Fountain, I on my way to a nearby café for a drink of something hot.

She looked different this time, her clothing wrought with richness, but that was not the only change I could see. She was different.. on the inside.

There are those non believers that are turned with the mere touch of a card. I sometimes suspect that what they see in the faded the faded rence is far more than what I can see at times. She offered to buy my warm drink and I accepted, knowing that it wasn’t my pleasant personality she wished to pick at. She wanted confirmation. That was something I could understand.

We moved to the back, near the kitchen wall, where it would be warm and we would have a measure of privacy for the reading.

Reading the cards is sometimes as eye opening for me as for the person I’m reading for, and I have become adept at reading the person I’m reading for. When the reading was over she seemed as confused as she had when we started. I think the most tell tale sign was the card that could deliver poverty.

She was looking past me to a table near the front of the café, where I recognized the two men she was trying not to stare at, she telling me that one of the men had been her companion, and one her partner.

A slave invited us to their table and we accepted. Emotions were tangible by all parties, politeness did not lack.

I introduced myself, learning her name as well. Zennenia.

It seems that intrigue boils and bubbles all around me, even though I try to steer clear of such emotional eclipses. I have had enough excitement in my life to last forever, much preferring the quiet days spent with my daughter. However, I fear there is a storm brewing just beyond the horizon. Something that will forever change me. A change that will rip the very breath from my body.

There are times that even I fear the uncertainties of a future that I can’t quite comprehend.

Family Reunions

He would probably have gotten a hug had I not an arm full of child.. but I did kiss his cheek when he neared. Aiden. I would not dare tell him so, but he was his father’s son. There was a time when I thought I loved him, before I met Kain. I was not the woman for him, this known by both of us. But neither did I have any regrets. He had found his love, as I had found his father.

"Tal Astraea.. Tal Little Charm." How are you these days, it's been awhile."

I was doing well, as was Charm, and he would be graduating in a few moons, after which he would companion.

"Astraea how old where you when you first showing signs of the gift?"

So there was a reason to his visit. "Six. I took the cards from my mother's desk and began to play with them. My mother was shocked that I knew what each meant, being she'd never showed them to be before. She asked me how I knew and I told her they whispered to me. She took them away, not giving them back until I was eight. And only then because I asked for them every day the two vars inbetween. Why do you ask?"

"I can feel her.." He was speaking of Charm. "She's very curious.. aAre you going to keep the cards from her as well."

"No, I am not. When she shows an interest, they will be hers. Though I think I will have trouble letting go."

"Do you think your child.. or children, will have your gift Aiden?"

"My gift is much different than yours.. or so I think, we've never really spoken much about it. But I should hope that no one has such a gift as me. It's a curse most days. She's really quite a lovely girl.... My little sister. You won't keep me from seeing her will you. Once you and Kain are companioned?"

"Of course not. You may see her whenever you like... Companioned? Aiden, I know he loves me, but do you really think he has any intention of companioning me? I mean.. really, he can't, not with his job and all. and I understand that. I'm happy the way things are. So when is your big day?"

He indicated my right wrist and the leather thong. "Yes I do. Come for a walk with me.. I don't want to talk about companionships."

I handed Charm off to her nanny, something that is getting easier to do with time. I could sense there was a sadness in Aiden, but I wasn’t sure what to say or do to make him feel better.

Astraea why do you not talk about your gift?"

"I don't know. I guess because it's such a part of me. Like an eye, or a nose. I don't talk about those things either." And too, it tended to frighten some, so I had learned at an early age to keep silent on the subject. "Would you like to talk about it Aiden?"

"I do not know.. is the extend of your gift hearing the cards? Have you ever felt things? Heard, saw things?"

"Yes.. when I was .. still a virgin. Sometimes the gift was transferred through touch. But that was lost the night you.. we.." Not a conversation to get into now. "But I'm not sorry it's gone. I don't miss that part of the gift. It made it hard for me to touch anyone. So to answer your question in more direct manner, yes, my gift seems to now.. only extend to the cards."

"Are you still mad that I did that?"

"No. I was never upset about that. I understand why you did it. It's in the past. You were forgiven vars ago. Are you sorry?"

"Mostly."

I remained in the coldness of gardens after he left, thinking on what he had said. "Valerians seem to have a thing for you." I’m not sure how long he’d been there, but his timing was impeccable. "What'd he want ?"

"He was just visiting. Curious as to Charm's and my well being. I hope I set his mind at ease.

Father and son seem to always be competing.

"I have a surprise for you. Charm is staying a few nights with her aunt and uncle. We are going to throw ourselves a party and we are going wake early and take a trip." Before I could argue he injected me. "I had your shop confiscated by the city and because the city loves me so, it was put into my name. I think I am going to sell the space and get you something nicer.. something more in the central city."

I remember little after that, save that I revolted against the plan of him taking my place of business, however long that might have lasted.

I want you close to me, Astraea.. But if you prefer to have that little toilet of a shop, so be it."

And then all was a blank page, but I think I was a very.. naughty girl.

Repercussions

Kain returned to us at last, his business with Phelps at an end for the time being. Even though he seemed anxious to see us, I could tell he was not completely happy at the fact we had left his home.

Charm was cranky, teething again, and I was at my wits end as what to do. He took over and calmed her down, giving her something to ease the pain. Who need a physician when one had Kain around.

He laid back on my couch, kicking off his shoes, but his rest was short lived. He found my couch to be anything but comfortable. An excuse to take me home, I was sure. I explained the situation and he promised to rectify it. I could only assume by this he planned on firing the cook. Even though I did not like all the pomp and circumstance, quite enjoying the tranquil essence my home had to offer, I agreed to return, though not right away.

"I do not explain myself to you. I will not ever explain myself to you.. especially not about a gift. Again this is not optional Astraea. Your choice.. you can do as I tell you. And enjoy what I offer. Or I can take you and Charm from this place and burn it to the ground. I will have my nanny care for the child and you.. I will make that little leather strap on your right arm.. very interesting for you."

I told him he had missed her birthday, but that we had celebrated in his absence. He seemed genuinely upset by this. He had thought it was today. I should have told him sooner. "We can celebrate today. Not many children get two birthdays in the same var. She's a lucky child. We're both glad you made the effort though, to return for her special day."

His reaction was immediate, fingers coiling around my throat, though they weren’t hard enough to choke. Not this time, though his anger was ripping through his outer calm. "I hate you for taking her away from me. And I swear to you if it ever happens again I will hunt ...you.. down.. "Please...don't make me do that." His hand dropped away and I stepped back, trying to regain my own composure. "I will be back. I am going to move Aneya out of the house, punish the slave and put his papers in your name. But I swear to you Astraea if you can not handle him.. I will be very upset."

I would forever be apologizing for my past mistakes. He would never trust me again, for love and trust do not go hand in hand. He loves his daughter, this I can clearly see, even if the love I have for him is muddied by temperance and attitude.

His hand entwined in my own, and I noticed the same leather thong that he had tied around my wrist, was tied around his own. Somewhere in that single action lay a commitment.

"Why do you wear it? Does it mean you belong to me?"

"It's a declaration of intent."

"What kind of intent?"

"Companionship."

I stopped asking questions at that point; sure he was amusing himself with more teasing games at my expense.

And so we three returned to a House filled with servants and slaves. He bid me to go upstairs upon our arrival, while he took care of other things, one of which I hoped would be the dismissal of the cook.

I had just gotten Charm fed and put down again, knowing Kain would expect me to be in his chambers when he returned. I did not, however, expect to see Leo being brought in and shackled to the floor in front of the couch.

"Do you know why I gave him to you Astraea?" His voice echoed from the edge of the bed. I hadn’t even heard him come in. "I wanted to show you why I like having dominion over you. Teach you what it's like." His hands whispered over my body, as his words were set to the shell of my ear.

Another covert game. One he plays so well. Insatiable man that he is.

There are times I despise his power over me, but in the same breath, I long for it, live for it. But could I display these same powers over another? I was dubious. He was insistent.

And I was soon to find myself shackled nose to nose with Leo, simply because my answers didn’t suit the questions Kain had asked.

Leo told me how to position myself so that I wouldn’t cramp and told me what to listen for in light of Kain’s return. I had asked him if he had been punished. He replied with a question, much like I do. "This is not punishment enough If you mean did he lash me.. no he didn't."

I hadn't really thought of this as being punishment.. until now. In my mind, it was just Castor being Castor. But I was glad he hadn’t been lashed.

"Does not being embarrassed.. does not being displayed hurt you?"

It did, of course, not that I would admit it to

“You have to understand him." Even now, after what he had done, I was making excuses for him. Love is truly blind.

I’m not sure how long I was shackled there, the two of us talking. But soon a slave girl returned to release us, limping. I felt pity for the girl, slave or not. She was suffering because I had sinned. Life can be so unfair.

He had taken Charm for an outing. I could only hope he’d sit fit to return her to me. I always feel as if he’s waiting for just the right moment to take her away from me for good, at a time when it will hurt me the most.

Why do I believe so furiously that it will be soon..

The Charming One

Charm and I have left the House and all that it holds dear to its heart.

A Chalet such as my lover’s house can not have two Mistress’ nor would I be talked down dot by one of its employee’s.

I had come upon the cook whacking my slave with a wooden spoon, a sight I was none too pleased with. I acted on impulse, demanding that he put her out immediately. It wasn’t on the fact she was smacking my property, but the fact she had talked down to me as if I were nothing more than one of Kain’s sluts.

Needless to say, Leo would not do it. Come to find out, he wasn’t exactly my slave as I had been led to believe. He belonged to Kain, who apparently would not like his cook.. put out.

So here we are back in the shop, celebrating my daughter’s birthday alone. I made it as special as I could, with cake that she dove into head first, and several little gifts that she did enjoy ripping open, after she got the hang of it. Of course when the gifts ran out, her expression changed to the darker counterpart that was her father, pouting furiously. Perhaps I do spoil her too much.

Every Woman Needs One

The house was not as I remembered it. The slaves were no longer bald, and the lower rooms had been redecorated, I could only assume to inspire its new tenants.

I liked the changes and I told him as much. I would have slaves at my beck and call, a cook, a nanny. As well as surprise I wasn’t expecting. A man. A slave to be exact. One that would play the part of guard or.. whatever I desired.

His eyes are green, so pure and bright, caught within a feathery hail of dark lashes. He is truly beautiful to behold, a better male specimen I have never seen. His name is Leopold.

I wasn’t sure what to do with him, for I have never even owned a pet before, let alone a human being. Was he a test? Again I wasn’t sure what Kain had in mind when giving him to me. I’m not sure what I expected of him either, which must have greatly confused him.

Kain had purchased him from an illegal fighting club only days ago. For a fighting slave, he seemed exceedingly gentle. And even though he was a slave, he was a man and I respected that. Though he may seem docile now, I knew that could change in a blink of an eye.

I own a man. I find that rather.. intoxicating.

Keeping Company with a Hith

"I'm going to take a bath. I .. smell like you,?"

Twice now he had curtailed my feeding time with Charm. Even though he knew I wasn’t pleased, I had kept quiet, no wishing to circumvent his authority. Too, I knew he had every right to take Charm away from me. "She's going to be like me, you know that, don't you? "She'll have.. the gift."

"Do I seem to be a blithering idiot? Of course I know that. What's your point?"

"No point. I just wasn't sure if you.. knew that. There are things I need to teach her. Things about the cards she needs to understand. It just.. wouldn't be in her best interest if we were to be separated. She needs me."

"I feel like listening to this feeble attempt at trying to keep me from taking her. She will learn as all have who didn't have someone to teach them.. if the need arises."

I would have to stay on his good side, which was a rare side. He had me exactly where he wanted me, at his beck and call, submissive and compliant.

"The proper thing for you to have done was, have taken me at my word instead of playing this game with me. Additionally.. If you have a problem with the wet nurse.. you should say something. I don't rightly give a shit to be honest with you, but you could ask the question of why I have her tending the little girl when you are here. I haven't the patience I once did Astraea.."

Which meant his patience was less then none. "Very well. Why do you have a wet nurse to attend my daughter while I'm here? I can attend to her. I understand having the woman here when its your turn to keep her overnight, but not while I'm here."

"Because I had thought it might be important for her parents to spend time together. Whether it be fighting or fucking.. perhaps working out what will and will not happen with this child. I do not like that she's so fucking spoiled already, or that you have any right at all to dictate anything about her life. Since A. up until a few days a go you were a run away slave, B. you are a woman and that is MY child, and C. that you stole her away from me for the entire first var of her life."

I could not argue with any of his accusations.

"Please don't be angry with me. I only want what's best for her. I know you want that too."

I thought he would surely hit me. It was a look I’d seen so many times before. One born of fury and frustration. "YOU ARE A FUCKING SLAVE! I DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU!

IF I LEAVE YOU FOR THIRTEEN YEARS YOU BETTER BE WHERE I LEFT YOU! You don't want to walk around with my death on yours hands? And how did you know I was not already.. when I found that you ..the woman I loved who took my child an ran away? Was it easier to shoulder because you weren't for sure? You want to coddle her because you know what MAY happen to her.. and you feel for her. Not only is there nothing wrong with that but I

respect that. However.. more than anything especially given the fact she has a very good chance of having this gift. You can not coddle her."

"I wondered where you were every ehn of every day. Every time I looked at our daughter, I wondered about you. I'm sorry. I can only say it so many times. I'm just so terrified you're going to take her away from me. You're probably right, I need her more than she needs me. I didn't take her away from you to punish you. I just thought that maybe the two of us needed to start fresh, where no one knew us. I couldn't stay away from you though, because as much as I need her, she needs you, as do I. My actions were inappropriate and I know I deserved the punishment you meted out to me. But I am a good mother to her. Spoiled or not, no one would love and protect her like I would."

"A child need nothing more than her mother. I've told you I would not take her from you, unless you prove to be a bad mother. I am not going to repeat myself because you do not trust me. I wanted some time with you. I may get to see her more often than I see you. My days of freedom are few and far between. It would not be hard for me to be with her for a few ahn. But you... they already know about you. And if she can't have a father.. I will make sure she has her mother."

"They know about me, so it stands to reason they will eventually know about her. Your freedom? Is there something I should know? Do you think they would try to hurt.. Charm or I to get to you? I won't lie to you. I think that was part of the reason I left. I was.. fearful for Charm. Fearful that those that were against you might try and do her harm, should they find out about her."

"Do not concern yourself. That is my business... I said they know about you. They know that you were my slave. I told them that I freed you because my son got you with child. They do not care about you anymore, because they do not think they can use you to harm me. I will let you know when you need to worry."

"You can stay where every you like but I would appreciate that some night you stay at the Valerian House. I would appreciate if you let her come see me."

Of course I would. I wanted nothing less. "Does Aiden know he is the culprit for my pregnancy?"

"Yes, it has been the only thing we agreed on for the last var."

So it was settled, I feeling a little more secure in place.. either at his side.. or at his feet.

Ties that Bind

I don’t believe he cares for the name I gave my daughter, but as of yet, he has said nothing, save the fact that I spoil her. We’ve been staying at an inn, one in a long line of favorites I’m sure. As much as I wish to return to my home, I believe he has other plans for us. I try not to ask, for such things only upset him and I never quite know what will set him off.

When I found them, Charm was asleep in his arms and he was staring down at her. "She has my hair, but your eyes. They are the most brilliant blue I have ever seen. I think they might even surpass yours. She's trying to walk now, but hasn't taken any steps on her own."

"She's is really quite beautiful. She doesn't need to walk just yet. I would like you and

Charm to take the Valerian house."

Even though he made it sound like a request, I knew it was not. Even though I would have preferred to stay at my shop, I knew that in the end, he would have his way. Some thing father and daughter shared.

He would not be living there, though he would come to visit when he could. And I would be allowed to keep the shop as a place of business, though it was clear my home would be where he deemed it.

"There is a network of caves under the street so I can get into the house easily. The choice is yours." But it wasn’t. Not if I wanted to stay in good standing with him. So I agreed.

I told him things about his child that he may not have known. Her habits, her temper, so much like his own when angered, and the connection we seem to share. He cut a piece of the leather away from his belt and tied it on to my wrist. He'd given me something similar when he enslaved me, but he made no comment as to what this was for. I did not ask, knowing only that it was meant to bind me to him.

Gods and Mortals

"Burn it to the ground."

I had been avoiding the fact that I needed to go and see him. While a part of me wanted nothing more then to see him and introduce him to his child, another part of me was just as terrified to do so.

I should have known better.

I saw him coming down the street with his entourage, thinking it was now or never. I called out to him, as he passed me. I should have let him go.

All the men had stopped when I called out his name and suddenly I was at a loss for words. Small talk. After all we had been through, I could think of nothing to say.. but small talk.

"Something I can help you with Astraea? I haven't really any cause to stand in the street and jaw with you."

"No, I don't suppose there is. I'm sorry to have bothered you." I wanted to tell him then and there about his daughter, but with the eyes of the other men upon me, I knew I could not. So I simply turned and left, as he did. But I watched where he went. Gathering Charm, I foolishly followed. It seemed nothing would deter me from my path.

I should have debated this further before acting upon it.

My prodigy was wrapped in her favorite pink blanket, I following him to the café he settled into. I took a seat at the table across from his, turning Charm to face him. He’d know. I was sure of it.

I wasn’t sure he got the hint at all by the time he had risen and passed me, thinking it had all been a grand waste of time.

I sat there in the café for some time, trying to figure out what more I could have done to make it all right, but the answer was nothing. I was even, to a point, relieved that he did not want us. It would make life easier for Charm and me.

I bundled my daughter up again and walked back to my shop. The door was kicked in and Castor was waiting for me, none too happy.

"What was the point of this?"

Had I not been obvious?

"I expect an answer to my question."

"I thought you would like to see your daughter. I was trying to be.. discreet."

"You were about as discreet as a troupe of Kajirae set a blaze in the square." He paused. The calm before the storm. "You're rather foolish for coming back here. You're a run a way slave, who stole my child. You've told people I was dead and harbored my child and her criminal brother. So Again I ask you what is the point of all this?"

Slave? I was stunned at his words. Stung by the waspish way they were spit at me. "But.. you released me! And what would you have me say? That she is the bastard of one of the Initiates killers? I only wanted to protect her. I didn't know what else to do. I haven't seen you since the night she was conceived. As for Aiden, I would have thought you would want me to try and help him. He is your son, after all." In all this my voice had never risen, still trying to keep the conversation as quiet as I could.

"No..no I didn't. I did not return for you, that's far from releasing you. I am sure you're more than aware of that. I would have you here.. to say nothing. As you should have been all along. And if I were you I'd stop wasting the few words I had left on telling me things I already know. Aiden is my heir and you my possession. Had you known me at all as well as you thought you did you'd know that I would never have wanted Aiden anywhere around you or THE infant. So again, and for the last time.. I ask you what the point of all this was? What it appears to me is that you have brought the babe here because you've run out of options. Perhaps had hoped for some happy

reunion?"

"I already told you the point. I wanted you to see her. No more, no less. I want nothing from you, nor did I hope for any happy reunion. I make good coin with my readings. I'm even going to be the entertainment for the grand opening of a Scribe School. I just thought you might like to hold her, at least once. Had I known you did not wish it, I would not have.. pursued it."

"I wonder... How you're going to do that, while you're imprisoned." He pulled a startled Charm away from me, his men swarming over me. My stomach felt as if it was hitting the floor and an icy claw closed over my heart. Charm cried out what I could not and I released her quickly so that she wouldn’t be further distressed. "Please, you can't take her away from me. Please." Quiet desperation, it was all I had left.

"And why not? You took her away from me...it's only fair.." He turned and walked away, his next words pulling another startled gasp from me. "Burn it to the ground."

What happened next was a blur. I was taken in another direction, away from my child. I had forgotten what a cold callus prick he could be. A mistake I was now paying dearly for. I was stripped and thrown into a basement, one so dark and foreboding I could not see further then my hand. How long I lingered in my dark and dusty prison I do not know, but to me, it was an eternity.

"Miserable little thing aren't you?" He had come. I wasn’t sure he would. "Before you start by pissing me off, No I will not release you, you are in no condition to make any demands, no one will come for you as they do not know where you are, yes your shop was burnt down, and no you can not see your daughter, but yes she is fine. I think we should take this opportunity to have a little talk, hm?"

The ground rules were set.

"Yes." Compliancy seemed the bane of my existence.

"The child is mine, if you take her out of this city again...I will make her watch as I peel every hort of skin from your body. You will come to me on the second night of the hand alone. On the fourth night of the hand you will bring my daughter to see me. You are still very much my slave. If you lay with another man I will enslave him and send him to the pits. Are we clear?"

"Yes." Suddenly Ar wasn't looking as promising as it had a hand ago. I faded further back into the corner, if such were possible, the makeshift blanket, one I had found in my quick exploration of the basement, was pulled tighter against me. "I understand."

"Come here."

There was only a moment’s hesitation in my movement, brought on by the cold stiffness in my body, but soon I stood before him, hopeful that he was not going to kill me. Kain is a man that likes games and I never know what to expect.

He pulled me down to the steps to sit with him. "You do not miss me?"

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to scream. I wanted to pummel his chest until my fists broke bone and flesh, to find the heart that I knew must lay there beneath. I wanted him to kiss me, or kill me.

I had missed him, despite the fact that I currently hated him. He pulled me from the steps, I still with my urt eaten rence covering, and through what was obviously the main room of an inn, to his room. I kept my head low, strands of red hopefully covering my face. "Are you hungry?"

"No.But I'm sure Charm is. It's been awhile since I.. fed her." I was so full of milk I thought I would burst. "I would appreciate a bath though. A hot one."

"She has eaten, I have seen to a wet nurse for her while you are not with her. You will be with me the second night of the hand and she will be with me the fourth, two nights you will not be able to feed her."

I hated the thought of another feeding my child. Taking my place. My expression always gives me away, and so did it this time. He wanted to know what was the matter. I had no choice but to tell him.

"You took my child and you burned down my shop. I have no clothing and my daughter has what she is wearing. Can I ask where my cards are?"

"Well I would assume if I were you, they to be in the ashes... but as its going to be really hard to keep from you the fact that your shop is fine when I send you back there in a few hands. I would assume where ever you left them in the shop."

Relief. Charm and my home was fine. "No, there were on me when you had my.. clothing removed. Please, would you inquire as to their whereabouts and get them back to me." The connection of cards and myself could be very uncomfortable if they were displaced for any length of time.

"Ah..then, you will find them in the other room on the sleeping couch."

I bathed and he joined me. I’m sure he could tell I was nervous but it was a nervousness that quickly gave way to surrender.

"I do not wish to be a slave Kain, for that would mean my daughter is a slave as well. Though someday, she may be by way of cards, I wish to not rush that fate. Is that what you want for your child?" I was pushing the envelope. "Free me."

"You should have thought of that before you submitted to me.. You belong to me and I haven't the mind to ...Free you." He grabbed me around the throat, lifting me out of the water and pressing me against the wall. It was then that he took me, still angry, harshness showing in his every movement. He wanted me to pay for what I had done. He wanted me to suffer, both body and mind.

My hands wrapped around his, trying to pry his fingers from my throat, gurgling at the same time he pushed into my body. My eyes were fixed on the man who took me without offering, then closed, the clawing of my hands stopped, then dropping to my sides, palms pushing against the wall behind me. I had resigned myself to what was to be. As a slave I couldn't be raped, both of us well aware of such a fact.

"I won't ever let you again.." I suppose in some odd form, that was his way of saying he loved me.

He had known about Charm since I started showing. He had kept tabs on me, knowing when I left for Schendi. Even knowing where I was staying once there. He had not forgotten or abandoned me. He had merely kept his distance.

"Is this our happy reunion?"

"I would say that being between your thighs was a pretty happy reunion for me."

Death comes in many forms, be it by the svelte easy line of a sharp blade, or the cold calculation of a broken heart.

I did miss him. More than he will ever know.

Black on Black

The caste of black exudes an aura even when the colors are hidden beneath the toil of winter cloak. I have never been afraid of this questionable caste, I think, because I am not afraid to die. We live in violent times, where words must be guarded and actions must be as unobtrusive as the very air we breathe. There are nights I lay in my sleeping couch, wondering where the golden thread of my life will end, or how it will come about. Depressing thoughts, but it is these thoughts that allow me to treasure the here and now. To allow me to live my life to the fullest. Everyone should be so lucky.

The eve was late, a trio of moons hung high in the cold glitterati of night’s sky. The street was nearly empty, save me and another dark soul who was moving towards me. He was a man I had seen before and he recognized me as well. Though no names had been exchanged, faces are not soon forgotten.

Conversation came about, first the topic of my shop. It seemed to me that it was missing something. Then our talk turned to the cards. "Do you wish to know what the future holds? Do you see through a veil of blood Sir? Is your future .. clear?"

“You have read me. No one’s future is clear, Lady. You, above all, know this.”

"But you see, it is clear. The moment it is read, it is the clearest thing in the world. Of course, what you do after that point does effect whether or not the vision holds. We are all keepers of our own destiny, but that destiny is written, perhaps not in stone, but written indeed. Would you like the cards to tell a tale for you?"

“ I would.”

I had known he would since the ehn I had seen him walking down the street.

I read by the glow of streetlamps, and he was ever a rapt customer. The Slave Card. The Sardar. The Star. All cards of the major Arcana, which in itself is a rare thing.

He left me with a silver, even as I left him with words of advice. A fair exchange, if ever an exchange was made.

As Lost as Me

Ar has changed. Or perhaps its me who has changed.

I once found it such a city of excitement; I found joy in walking her streets. Every corner was a new world to be explored, to be touched, to be tasted. Now I find hesitation in the smallest things. I’m pained by worry.

But I am not the only one.

She looked to be a woman as lost as me, even though I think she would never admit to such a thing. If anyone had ever needed a divination of the future, it was she.

The Seven of Coins, reversed. A reflection and evaluation of the past. Failure. A woman pondering alternatives and questioning choices, a card that might have been for me as well. I knew the whispers to be correct when she paled. At first I thought she might run, to get as far away from me and my unordained harbingers as she possibly could, but her inner strength was revealed, or perhaps what I was seeing was pure stubbornness. Either way, she bid me to continue.

The Five of Wands. Fairness would not be hers.

The card of the Initiate, a card of education, belief systems, conformity and tradition. A woman who pursues knowledge and increases understanding. One who has identified a new world view, who is finding it increasingly harder to fit in. Spiritual practice, belief and worship. A card that had never been revealed to me in a reading before.

“You have not seen me. You do not know me.”

"I can be found there. My shop. It's called Fate's Fortune. If there is anything else you need, find me."

A silver was placed upon the face of the initiate, more coin then I could have made in an entire month. I thought she was about to leave, but then I heard her speak again.

“Do we weave the threads of our past to clothe our future? Have the Kings decided warp and whoof, texture and tone? Who decides our steps?”

"A wise question to ask, and one that is asked often. The cards are but a tool, and as they stand today, they might well fall tomorrow. Our destiny changed daily, contingent on the choices we make in the moment. You life is your own, as is your future. Tomorrow could find great difference then what the cards have wrought forth today. Nothing is written in stone. Change is ever constant and often volatile. You are not a believer, but it shall be."

She had left an impression on me, as I may have upon her. Perhaps I will find my lost Ar after all.

A Journey of Fate

As much as I would like to blame Lucien for my return to Ar because of the offered job, I find I must return for reasons of my own. I cannot hide from Kain forever and certain things need to be resolved between us. I think it is he who is calling me.. home. I can only pray he understands why I did what I did. I hope that he can see the reason in my actions. A sane woman would run fast and far from the City I am about to go home too.

Sanity. Something I have never been accused of having.

The Five of Swords

He was the last person I would have expected to see in Schendi, the man of few words and even fewer expressions, but see him I did. It would seem everyone, sooner or later, has business here.

I found him at the inn, a break taken between packing Charm and my things, and trying to keep my daughter entertained. Neither or which affords me an easy task.

Set in a room of strange snippets of conversation, he reminded me that the card he had given me had tonight’s date on it. Could I really have forgotten that? Or was he.. misrepresenting the truth to get his way. I would not know immediately, the card already packed away amongst my things. Not that it mattered in the slightest, for I never turn down a reading. I can not, for the cards are too eager.

We left the inn, the three of us, I having not had time to procure someone to watch over Charm. I do not take her to readings with me, for obvious reasons, but tonight she would join us on the path to .. enlightenment.

We seated ourselves in the sand, and to my surprise, he offered to hold my daughter.. to free my hands. Not that I really needed my hands free after the initial shuffling, but he seemed to think that he would be helping, only I believe he was helping himself more then he was me.

I hesitated, but in the end, logic won out. Despite the fact that I am a seer of worlds that are invisible to others, I tend to be a rational person. Odd, that.

Charm took to him immediately and I am not certain how that makes me feel. With Quinn, it was different. He seemed to know what my child wanted, but this man, he was completely without clues, stumbling on how to even hold her. Lucky for the both of us, Charm is a good child and she would break him in quickly.

The cards were laid out by his hand, a pattern of reading concluded. The Five of Swords had come up again, the card of defeat, the card was following him.

The Six of Swords, the card of travel, of recovery.. depression. Though he had picked up the pieces of his life and was moving on, the place he was moving towards was not a positive one.

He wanted to know how long it would last, but that of course, was up to him.

Charm seemed quite content, having found a new toy in the locks of Lucian. She is not like me in the respect that she knows no strangers. I’m not sure if this is a baby thing, if all children possess it, or if she will grow out of it as she ages.

His look to me was accusatory, he perhaps thinking that I, in some malignant way, had an actual hand in his fate. A normal reaction for those that don’t understand. I was not offended. I understood more of how he was feeling then he did. It is human nature to want to place blame. Who better to blame then the bizarre woman who can see and hear what no one else can.

The Four of Coins. The card of possessiveness and control. The cards do not lie, but neither do they tell all. Information comes in sporadic whispers and flashing images. There are times I do not comprehend their meanings, am nothing more than a simple tool to relate messages. But this time the cards were clear in their explanations. Perhaps they sought to warn him. Or me.

“Now yours.”

Little did he realize I could not refuse his request, even if I had wanted to. A reading may never be turned down. I have no say on who I read for. The cards often choose, but to deny them could be .. disastrous. There curse, is my curse.

Shuffled and cut, my deck was set in front of me. I did not deem to look at the cards, even as I turned them over. I already knew what they would say. The spoke to me loudly, mocking me, taunting me, all the while knowing I must share their whispers.

The Ubara of Coins is a mothering card. A card of perception. A card of trust. A card of benevolent and submissive tendencies.

The Warrior of Wands. A somewhat unbalanced personality. A solitary card. Being devoured by past fears. My insides were quivering, too much being revealed too quickly.

Charm became antsy and I offered to take her, but he refused. He pulled the pink blanket over her head, to which she responded by pulling it off and trying to cover his face. Her first game of peek a boo, taught by a man who hadn’t even realized he’d done so.

As much as I would have liked to bury the remaining card in the sand, such was not to be. The Seven of Wands, reversed as was the Warrior. Passiveness. A card of waiting, of holding back, of letting go. "This card is about taking a stand, but in its twisted state, it decrees the exact opposite. I am a woman that hides in the light, one that loses her nerve easily, one that is often afraid to take action, one who bows down to the others, always looking for ways to compromise. Many disapprove of me, and I often feel as if I am in great physical harm. My life is laced with doubt and confusion. Obstacles."

The closed book of my past was now flayed open for him to see, and though secrets still hid within the pages of my life, the words were written in a strong hand, easily read. In the few ahns that we had spent together, he knew me almost as well as Kain, even if he didn’t understand me.

I think he actually tried to console me, brief as it was. Something I was sure he wasn’t used to.

“Approval is highly over rated, but I suppose some do need it.”

"I do not seek approval. I am what I am, though few understand me. I do not hide behind a tea cup or set myself above others and I do not gossip, but neither do I wish to be the topic of unkind conversation."

Again, more than I wished to say, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. The words were pushed past my lips before I could control them. This would be a sign of things to come.

“And she will be the same, or no?”

He was talking of Charm, who even now, wiggled to release herself from his hold.

Yes. I answered him that and more. On her nineteenth turning she would, like her mother, be enslaved. I hadn’t meant to tell him so much about her, about me.

By the end of the evening, I had agreed to work for him, spending one week in AR, for the grand opening of his new school, all expenses paid.

As brief as my stay in AR might be, I am going.. home.