The Escape

My location has changed, but my compulsion to finish the tale has not. While the slave and I sat in the undisclosed cavern of safety, Nazarus was ridding us of those who would do harm. And though I do not have the details, I realize the odds were against him. A pirate in the desert can be just as deadly as on the sea.

We now fly by tarn towards the city of Port Kar, with Nazarus in dire health. The Kings must have been with him, for his wounds are life threatening. With him sandwiched between Linx and me atop the kaiila, we weathered the tail end of the storm in hopes of making it to the tarn.

We had just reached the encampment, which to my surprise was full of men, when the first sighting of the Ubar’s men were seen. They had come for me, but they were too late.

The tarns took flight and I could see below the heft of spears raised in warring gesture, then piercing the skies and they were thrown. I had been holding my breath, the tears of relief coursing down my cheeks. I was safe. I was free.

I no longer know what awaits me. I fear going back to Ar. I fear avoiding it. I am only half the woman I was when I left, my son’s ashes scattered against the desert winds.

And I am guilty.

Desert Well

Nazarus has left Linx and me to find the men who have followed us. I don’t know how long he’ll be gone, or even if he’ll make it back. We’ve instructions to leave at night fall if he doesn’t come back. So instead of pacing I have found these few blank pages of rence in his pack on which to write, to chronicle what has happened to me.. and thus, not to sit and worry. I find it is easier to think with words that are written, then those that continue to combat in my head.

I don’t know how long I’ve been here, months, a year? I lost track after the first couple hands, no, lost track isn’t the right word. I gave up. I wanted to die and there were times I thought I was close, but I heal easily and quickly, this a curse rather than a blessing.

It was the second hand when the device had been latched around my throat, one specially made with small hollow needles that would press into my neck so that a numbing agent could be injected near my vocal chords, which made it impossible for me to talk. They had tired of hearing my prophecy of death and destruction to them all.

I was kept at the bottom of a dry well, dark and dirty and often cold, fed by another slave who tried to keep me company from her place above. It wasn’t always like that, they had tried to keep me bound in their tents, but I always managed to loosen the knots and in my first moment of freedom I would run into the desert, knowing no one awaited me there, but what I sought was not living. What I sought was the City of Dust.

I was always caught and brought back to camp, toyed with for a time, and then rebound. Except for the last time. I suppose they tired of never knowing when I would be waiting.. and when I would be nowhere to be found. It was then they lowered me into the well, taking me out only a few times a hand. I no longer tried to run.

The news had come to me by way of the slave that used to sit near the crumbling stone structure, keeping me company as much as possible so that I did not go insane. She told me I was to be sold to the Salt Ubar, that I had outlived my usefulness to those that held me and that others would be coming for me soon.

When she asked me a question I would tap out the answer with one of the stones against the side of the well. Once for yes, twice for no. But after the news, when she tried to ask me anything, I would no longer answer. When she sent food down to me, I would no longer eat. I was slowly beginning part of the well.

Had I entered the ether I might have been saved, but that might draw those I was trying to hide from too close. This was the penance for my sin, this.. and the phantom sounds of a baby crying, a child that had been absorbed by my memories, one who no longer existed except in my heart.

I was resigned to my purgatory, no less than I wanted, no less than I deserved, and wishing the time would tick faster to my end. But that was not to happen.

Even with me being who I am, I’ve never understood how the hand of fate is dealt. The deserving are not always rewarded and the guilty are not always punished. Nothing about destiny is fair.

At night I was able to look up and see the stars and dream about when such little things made me happy, a small circle of sky that I could call my own. But tonight that sky was blocked, a dark figure descending.

I hid in the small alcove I had clawed out with bleeding fingers and broken nails. Thinking my time had come, that those who had come to fetch me were here to take me to another inescapable location. It was only when I heard a vaguely familiar voice that realized.. I was being rescued.

Chaos ensued, the kailla were freed as our cover, the men not realizing I was gone immediately. It was only those precious few ehn gave us our respite, out escape, but then the body of one of the men were found, Linx filling me in on the details quickly. Soon they were giving chase.

By the low light of three moons, the sands took on an ominous glow, gloriously darkened with a spattering of glitter, and the lands of the Tahari seemed touched by something magnificent. Something deadly. Something that bordered on ghostly whispers and feral calls. The winds started to rage, sand retrieved in small cyclones, before the war of nature began to churn. I have heard many a sandstorm, but it was the first I had ever had to ride through, even the covering of thick cloak affording little protection.

But he knew something others did not. Such storms are often a part of life, and not always is it possible to get to safety. There are small caves dug and covered and supported, a place of refuge from the impending storms. Whether it was chance or luck, or simply meant to be, one of those sanctuaries was found, our escape for the night.

We rested and ate and I was even given a chance to wash, before he decided that for us to survive, he would have to go out and find those who he was sure still tracked us. He’s now been gone for ahns, while Linx and I sit here and wait, hoping for the best.

Caves of Sand

The last oasis did not bode well for me, and while I will not commemorate on rence what happened, I will say that I have never been so happy to leave a place before. Even Aiden’s company is preferable to those of that desert city.

We have continued our journey by way of the map in my head, I praying that we are going in the right direction. He has taken to tethering me when we set up camp, more to show his control over me, I am sure, then because he thinks I’ll run away. I should add that he does untie me before sleep. It seems an odd sentiment.

He doesn’t understand. I don’t hate him. There might even be a part of me that does love him, I’m just not in love with him. We have shared much, Aiden and I, both good and bad, both pleasure filled and painful.

If I give into him, he has promised to keep both of us safe, but even as I write this, I know I can never give him what he wants. What he needs. I am not the woman for him.

But I need him.

And now I sit in a cave, the glowing things that hang from the ceiling my only source of light, surrounded by the soft clicking of claws on stone. I can’t believe they haven’t come for me yet. It’s almost as if they are waiting for something, perhaps a sign

But I am getting ahead of myself again.

The next morning brought with it his silence, as well as an aura of animosity that I still don’t understand. He tossed me a dirty set of robes, even turning his back as I dressed, so we could begin our journey again.

It was after mid day when I saw it, the outcropping of cliffs rising up from the sand like stone gods of some ancient civilization. We traveled inward, to what may have once been a wonderful city, which now lay in decayed ruins. Vines coiled around broken walls, hundreds of years laying claim to nature’s resourcefulness.

I did not see it until I was almost upon it, a small tree with orange blossomed plants lined about its trunk. Only did I know I had found it.

While the ruined city lay atop a flat plateau, I would have to travel downward to get where I wanted to be. There was a ledge to walk down to what I was sure was a doorway. With no time to speculate how safe it might be, we began.

Aiden went first, perhaps this his way of protecting me. I don’t really think he wanted me dead, despite the cruel things he says to me. I could, of course, be wrong, men being hard creatures to read.

I carefully kept behind him the palm of my hand sliding against the roughness of cliff. What came into view was startling, a Noachian City that had fallen into disrepair, the smooth marble arms of what once must have been beautiful statues, seeking upwards through the sands. Beyond the arches and broken walls of sand chiseled stone lay a large doorway built into the face of an ancient mountain, one that loomed upwards from the bed of the deserts as if it had always been there. Perhaps it had. The great door was open, though not completely, and we would both have to squeeze through, the ravages of time long ago having cemented it into place, unrelenting. Unmovable.

I continued on, catching a glimpse of something from the corner of my eye, a small scurrying sound that grated across the floor and then disappeared from sight. The farther we got from the light that streamed through the half open doorway, the cooler and mustier the air became.

My fingers had become dampened with the moisture from stone walls, weeping rock that had a slightly slimy texture beneath. We traveled perhaps another hundred or so steps before there was a small twist in the passageway and what I was sure was glowing light.

Careful steps led me to a spiraling stone staircase, and with each step onward, the soft glow became stronger. Again the sounds of scurrying were heard, and I was glad I couldn't see what was making the noise.

Something was leading me. Instinct, premonition an intuitive emotion that I could not explain. The further we submerged ourselves into the bowels of the earth, the brighter the glow became. The stairs had opened into a small room, one that was connected to a larger room, and it was there that the fiendish light of eerie white seemed to come from. No air moved, save for us in the course of our walk. What I saw was mesmerizing. From the ceiling above, a million small strands of light hung downward, some perhaps two feet in length. They were strands illuminated by what appeared to be a spidery web thread, but on closer inspection, tiny worms could be seen moving up and down the strings. Glow worms, for lack of a better name, wept from every part of the ceiling above our heads.

The ground beneath us was sandy, the golden silt moving up between my toes every time I wiggled them. It was only after the awe of the glowing cave, that I saw the chest, a lone specter that had been placed against the far wall.

I tugged on Aiden’s hand to approach it, before kneeling down in front of it, releasing his hand only so that I could explore. It was bound with a length of rusty chain, the lock mechanism most likely rusted as well, but each held fast to the links it locked into. I tugged several times before giving up, then scooting over so that Aiden could have a look, if he so pleased. Once again there was the slight sound of shuffling and my head turned quickly in the sound's direction, but I could see nothing.

Aiden however did not wish to inspect the box. He wouldn’t even help me find something to open it with. If I was to do this, it would be completely on me own.

He told me that I was ungrateful for the help he’d given me thus far. It wasn’t true, I was grateful. I knew I wouldn’t have come this far without his help. He spoke to me in riddles that I did not understand before he resumed his insults, telling me I was plan less.. brainless, but worst of all, he called me needy.. and then he left me there.

I should have followed him immediately.

They watch me, the scorpions, small claws clicking together, but they have not yet made a move, as if they are waiting for something, blocking my exit to the stairway. I’ve been here for ahns, and Aiden hasn’t come back, nor do I expect him to.

The pain started about thirty ehns ago, but the contractions are quickening and coming closer together.

I’m so very tired. I’m so very afraid.

Tahari

I have no coin, no provisions and no one help me. Aiden has been sulking like a child because I cannot love him. There has only ever been one man for me and it feels as if he is a million pasangs away. For all its worth, he might as well be.

I don’t know why he stays here, why he doesn’t just leave me to rot on the desert sands, but the answer comes as quickly as the question. Because he wants me to pay, over and over for my transgressions against him.

He calls me foolish, stupid and selfish, words that no longer hurt as they once did, for I have become immune to them. Or perhaps it is that I no longer care what he thinks of me.

The child that lives within me is restless and his time is nearing, while I am no closer to finding what it is I seek then I was eight and a half months ago.

I’m thirsty and my throat burns; my flesh is reddening, even though I am mostly covered beneath large robes. I don’t think he’ll really allow me to die, at least not yet, while I might still have some purpose.

I wish I would have been born a more deceitful woman.

Death Becomes Him

Caught in the cusp of eternity, a tug of war between father and son, my past revisited, my emotions pulled in opposite directions.

Revenge is often a catalyst to murder, but to witness such an event can be devastating, especially when appearances are so deceiving.

Gabriel was not the man I thought he was. But then again, neither was Aiden, he using me as the bait that would see to his uncle’s demise. Death at his hand, but not before he offered me to the man he was about to kill. And he wanted to watch.

Betrayal. Bitterness. Belief in those that had promised to help me. All these things melted together in a single thought, even as I felt him behind me, with me trying to crawl away. I wouldn’t have to crawl far before I felt the dead weight of Gabe lay across me.

Perhaps Gabe deserved to die, manipulating those around him to get what he wanted, torturing the innocent for power and worldly gains, with me, caught in a spider’s web of deception. Trust offered most to a man who had deserved it least.

I fainted, but I would soon awaken to find another journey was just beginning.

The Tahari, a land of heat and constant sands.

He had stolen me from beneath the protection of Ar in the night and I had no time or opportunity to say goodbye to anyone. Cain would never know what happened to me, nor would anyone else.

Our first stop was Toracinda and an inn, where I found the cost of a room far more then what I had. I was Aiden’s mercy, needing both his coin and his protection.

He has told me I ruined him for another woman. That he loved me. That he wanted me. But I know that Aiden’s love is poisonous.

And that it already hurts.

Insanity

I suppose it’s a type of hypnosis, one riddled with dreams and snippets of reality. But regardless of how it happened, it has happened.

I was able to see the stolen map that Lucian had created for me in its entirety. Perhaps it is some unknown link that connects me to it, but not only did I see the map, I now know in which direction to search. I know where the amulet is. What bothers me though, is this was Aiden’s doing.

There are unfathomable terrors in the unknown, beasts that lurk and hunt the weak, creating an illusion of havoc with every breath. Insanity is a quick escape, but even there the monster roams freely, ripping reality from the inside out, pulverizing rational thoughts into a stewed jambalaya of words.

Bars surrounded me, a prison of iron and steel, the moans of other’s pathetic lives filling my ears. I had no immediate recollection of how I had come to be here, but it was quickly apparent that this was no normal prison cell. I had been marked as one of the insane.

Slowly, my memory shifted into stabilization and I began to remember small clippings of the last few days. I had been on my way back home, from Gabriel’s house to my own when the madness over took me. The guards had found me thrashing and nearly naked in the back of the carriage, my eyes wild and unseeing.

How long my stay in the asylum was I couldn’t really say, for time means nothing in such a dank depressing place. I was given no change of clothing, with barely a ratted fur to keep me warm against the drafts of my underground cell.

I knew immediately it was Aiden when he came to me, hooded and cloaked in black, taunting me at my newest predicament. It was only when I relented and promised him anything that he had me released into his custody.

I had no choice but to trust him, a torment in itself.

The Coming

Castor is jealous, as he should be. No less then I would be in his situation.

I fear this will be the thread that snaps between us, forever pulling us apart into our separate corners.

The other world into which I venture terrifies me, but not near as much as this world troubles me. Sometimes I wish the end would just come quickly so I can be done with it, but then I think of Charm and my unborn son and admonish myself for such thoughts.

Leaving him is by far one of the most hardest things I have ever done, not knowing if I would return, or if I will ever see my daughter again. I’ve tried to brainwash it into my head that I have no choice, but I know that is untrue. We always have a choice, even if the options aren’t what we would like them to be.

In the end, Castor relented, but I could see the pain on his face, pain in the knowledge that he cannot help me, that instead, the man he most despises should be the answer to my quest, though I’m not sure that is true.

The lessons with Gabriel leave me tired and drained, mentally, emotionally and physically. This otherworldly existence is taking its toll on me, and yet, I am not ready to let it go.

There is a terrifying flip side to this though, a three sided coin where heads are no more reasonable then tails. Aiden comes to me when I am at my weakest, taking control and clouding my thoughts with his voice, an eclipse of sanity that shuffles me into the darkness. A darkness that will swallow me and from which I will never return.

He threatens me with stealing Magnus, but in my heart, I know this is not idle threat. He preys upon my fears forcing my own unwanted reaction. He is driving me towards something, though I know not where I shall find my ending.

Dark Choices

It had started out as a trip to the physician’s, Four and I going to Gabe’s office for an appointment of prenatal care, and one I wasn’t looking forward to, not wanting to run into the blonde shrew.

That is, until he showed up at my doorstep, saving us a trip.

Four went first, flushed with embarrassment by the time she had returned. I hoped my turn would not wreak redness upon my flesh. He gave me a general exam, even offering to bring a woman physician to me, should I want it.

Gabe is not like Cain in so many ways. He does not hold the tormented soul of the man I love, even though he has his face. Twins, they can be so unnerving.

We talked of my predicament, and I asked if he and Zarah would be sure to check in on my daughter and son, when.. if something happened to me. I still can’t shake the feeling that I have only begun this journey, even though I can almost see the ending from here.

Small talk ensued and I told him he and his companion should have more children. He told me that Zarah barely wanted Lir, which I find hard to believe, seeing how she dotes on both boys, and Charming. There are times when I see a different Gabriel and not the kind façade of a man who always offers to help me. But just as quickly, that side of him is gone, which leaves me to believe I have imagined it.

The exam stopped short of anything intimate, telling me that I was fine and that he would send Mevis to me. I probably wouldn’t be any more comfortable with her.

And then he said something that caught me completely off guard. That Argus sent his regards.

My mystery only seems to deepen and in the end, I am drawn to those who can help in my perilous journey that I fear will never be completed.

Gabe has become my new mentor. I pray that he can help me.

Unwilling

His question came as a shock, but there were more shocks to follow. He wanted to know if I was ready to go back into the ether again. And.. he was insisting I wear silks of a slave, informing me that when and if I proved to him that I have grown beyond him, all of these things were easy to give back to me.

Did he not understand by now that I would do anything for him? As the slave in silks, as the woman who ruled by his side, as the ghost that would meet him in the world of other.

There is no denying that I need what he offers. But now the tables have shifted and I have become the unwilling one. I have seen firsthand how easily lost one can become and not even realize it. I have felt the draw of darkness and I know how easily it can wrap its arms around me.

I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t, fearful of losing everything with an act of rashness.

In the end, is the decision really mine?

Four + Seven = One

Four is pregnant.

I cannot say how pleased I was to learn, though the child is Cain’s by way of ownership, it is not his by way of genetics. I think he planned it, she and another slave, so that .. if I do not make it through this, he will have a ready supply of milk for our son.

I was also surprised he had plans to free her. Seven, the slave who impregnated her has already been freed and is now learning a trade. He never ceases to surprise me.

Of course I have been forbidden to tell her this, hence, her constant moping.

We have not discussed entering the ether again, for which I am glad. One trip was more than enough; of course, this leaves me back at square one.

But better at square one then to be at the crossroads of a darkness I cannot control.

The Catalyst

He appeared to me a man without a heart, with naught but a bloody open wound where his heart should be. He is much stronger than he things, much stronger than me, but the place he took me to, a great library of sorts, compounded by a thousand closed doors.

He told me there were things worse than death, but I had not understood this, unable to comprehend without seeing. And what he showed me, filled me with terror.. as well as elation.

I seemed to be in two places at once, my body in some pragmatic presence, while my mind drifted freely in a world that was cast from fantasy.

He calls it the ether, a place of consciousness, a place that I had brought him to during our course of sex. He explained that I was a catalyst, while he was a conduit, two halves to the perfect whole. That I controlled the world, and that I would be responsible for taking us out and putting us back in our own bodies.

Dizziness bloomed and I grasped his arm to steady myself, an amulet led out of each door on the back of a scorpion, two snakes entwined, before the vision began to roil, fade, and at last disappear.

I was in the present, but I had not brought him back with me. I begged and I pleaded for him to return, lost in the emotional pitfall of what I had done. To him, to me. And for what? My will of life? Which was no more precious than his own. I twisted the lock on his collar, pulling it away and tossing it to the other side of the room. Only then was he mine again, beside me in this world, whole again.

I had promised myself never again. He had been right to deny me. I was not ready. I doubted I ever would be.

Stolen

The map Lucian made me is gone, most likely taken the night I met Eurethrus. My tale only becomes more confusing instead of less.

Cain is taking me to a man named Argus, a man, like me. He quickly told me things about my past, things that would have been easily known, but this impressed me nonetheless. He bid us to sit and for the first time I had been able to see his face, one heavy with scars and laced with mutilation.

He told me he could see the cloud of confusion, the bits and pieces and hardships.

I told him that I sought the key of the dead that would save me as I lay close to the doorway of the City of Dust. Did it really exist? Or was it merely the rich treasure of a feebled minded fable.

He told me such a power did .. does exist.

I told him of my lineage, repeated the story of the curse, of how no man would beget male heirs on my line. But I continued where I usually had stopped.

We attract a certain type of man, men who love us much more than they should, who sacrifice for us much more than we are worth. Their love does not die easily, if ever, but neither is it always.. nourishing. We act as a drug, an addicting sense of something they can never have enough of. Once a man truly tastes us, he is forever bound to us, only death breaking the hold.

He had moved towards a shelf, taking down a leather bound volume, showing me a picture of the amulet. It was in the shape of two intertwined serpents. One male one female.

He told me that the man who sought me out.. the men who sought out my mother and her mother before her and so on, were not just overly loyal addicts drawn to their sustenance. They are the other half of a locks to cosmic keys. That the key existed and would find it, but that I was looking in the wrong place.

I was afraid to touch the drawing, afraid that by some unwanted exploit of magic, it would crumble in my hand.

I was still staring at the union of entwined serpents when Cain spoke, telling Argus he could not and he immediately began pacing.

My line spoke of the Estrucans. Argus could not help me.. but Cain.. could. Another clue in my endless pursuit.

We were bid farewell, Cain relentless pulling on my arm, half dragging me through the catacombs, telling me he was a fool to have brought me here, that we would have to find another way.

I could feel his fright, the sudden surge of his emotions which seemed to be escaping into me. It was only when I tripped over a cobble that that I insisted he stop and tell me what was going on.

He told me that Estruscan and Armarnian Arcane are kith and kin to each other and the most carnal of the houses. That when he had told me there was more to my gift than the cards it was truth, but that I was afraid tap the power. He was right.

I have always shunned other knowledge, not wishing to delve into things I cannot control, things I do I understand. I have never been open to perceptions beyond what I know so well

But all that was about to be forever changed.

The Burning Arrow

The day had started out benignly enough, breakfast, my lazy trolling with a sheet wrapped around me, followed by a knock at the door.

It was a slave, a mere slip of a girl who held out a note. She said it was given to her by a man who insisted she deliver it immediately. Someone had information on the legend I was seeking and I was to meet him beneath the lamp at the corner of the Street of Coins, one ahn after dusk.

Though I was immediately intrigued, my consort was not. He had walked away from me into the other room, telling me it was not for him to decide when I had asked his opinion, but he would accompany me if wished to go.

I did.

It was then he pointed to the small bag on the counter, which held a collar. It was not something I had not expected, but what followed was even more so. He submitted to me. The collar.. was for him. Never before has a man .. or anyone said those words to me. I stood there, my mouth agape and my heart beating rapidly. I couldn’t even find enough words to complete a sentence. Finally, when I asked him why, he retorted with the questions.. would I humiliate him by denying him.

Even as a submitting slave he crawls under my skin, making me feel less than free myself. I think we also both knew that all he had to do was say the word and he would be free again.

Every time I think I understand him; he turns the tables. I don’t think he understands me as well as he thinks he does. I never wanted a slave. I wanted a partner.

As the day edged into dusk, we began our preparations. He dressed in his apparel of my protection, for which I was glad. Even now, I was starting to have second thoughts about carrying on the meeting, but my want of knowledge was a glass more full then my fear. Or perhaps I should say a glass more.. fool.

While my shadow stalked the darkness in my protection, another shadow made his way towards me. I could hear the tapping of a cane and see the hunched silhouette of a man. He looked .. harmless enough, but of course, appearances could be deceiving.

His name was Eurethrus, who told me he had caught wind of a woman in search of certain knowledge, an amulet.

I always wonder about the aged, if the serums didn’t take, or if they had refused them. Some I had heard had done this, not wishing the extending of life that was offered them. I can not imagine such a decision. I want to live, this proven by my will to find an evanescent amulet.

We moved to sit on a low wall, to ease the ache of his bones, my excitement palpable as he tale began, picking up from where my knowledge had left off.

Brachius, Auryn's sister, having fled with the amulet that would have saved his sister's life, met a series of mishaps. He could find no man who would challenge the judge of the dead, and each metal smith who tried to melt the treasure for its worth found that the amulet refused to liquefy, even though the heat had been plied twofold. Word quickly spread of the cursed and twisted snakes of gold and soon the brother found he was an outcast, a man who would be forced to live on the fringes of society, for none wanted anything to do with him. He traveled from city to city, the heavy ornament draped around his neck with a leather cord, so all could see his sin. The amulet turned black, the bright gleam of gold efficiently erased by the wrath of Aeacus. For years he traveled, begging acceptance and refuge from his crime, but he was not repentant. His flesh aged, and his muscles weakened, his body ravaged by time. But Brachius' true crime was that he had never felt remorse and greed still lurked within his heart.

He had paused, in much need of breath, almost ready to continue when I whispered the word.. stop. What followed was confusion, chaos and the slow realization that I had been hit in the shoulder with the bolt of a crossbow. A red stain shown by slivers of cloud covered moonlight and the dim ray of lamps.

My last picture of Eurethrus was the unreflected gaze in his eyes, and another bolt piercing his heart, as well as one of my shadow’s blades.

My protective dark one was upon me immediately, lifting me and carrying me to safety, which happened to be a nearby roof top. The rest of the tale would forever be left untold at his lips.

Blackness, blessed blackness came in quick layers. I begged him not to touch the arrow that still wavered in my shoulder, though my pleas went unheard as I felt the bold snap before it was pulled free. I screamed. Only then did I feel the shock of pain ripping across my belly. The baby.

I don’t remember how he got me home, only that I was there, caught in the claw of agony, terrified I was miscarrying my son. I prayed, harder than I ever had in my life, and then through the course of exhaustion, passed out.

I had been betrayed.

And what was worse, was he had caged me, he said, for my own protection.

X

X doesn't always mark the spot and legends aren't always meant to be taken literally.

I've run into a dead end, with no more leads to follow. Perhaps I am not looking closely enough. Or perhaps I am wishing for a pipe dream that's never had any more substance then what my imagination has created.

If Maayan turns anything up, then perhaps I will continue my search, but if her hands come up as empty as mine, I think I should start putting other plans in motion. Dark guardian or not, I'm am quickly finding that none of us are invincible.

Safe Keeping

My man in black, as I have come to learn, is going to help me. He visited me once again, because I had decided that Charm would be safer with Gabe and Zarah. Even though I do not care for the woman, she loves my daughter and I know she would take good care of her.

It did not, however go as I had planned. Not even in the door yet, my dark guardian told me to stay back, that Gabriel was going to punch him, which indeed he did.

It happened so quickly I’m not sure how he got his arms around Gabriel’s neck, but he was soon squeezing so brutishly that Gabriel could no longer breathe. That’s when Zarah started to hit him in the back with the bristles of a broom. And when that didn’t work, she started to beat him with the handle. It was only when he saw her coming at him with a dagger, that he released Gabe, dropping the man to the floor and dislocating Zarah’s wrist at the same time. Or perhaps it was me pleading with him to cease that made him stop. I think I will never know.

Gabe was about to throw us all out, so I quickly told him about the curse, the pregnancy, the reason for my visit. And I could tell Zarah hoped I wouldn’t come back, so she could keep her peaceful little family intact.

In the end, they both turned away from me, even though they agreed to care for Charm. I’m still wondering if I did the right thing.

It was on the way home he told me things, things I never thought to hear. Horrible things I did not wish to hear, but I knew I needed to.

We are not always the persona we put forth. There are dark and terrible things that lurk within us all, that create the monsters we have become. It is for each of us to find and accept what we can about the abominations of those close to us, to embrace and try to understand the shadows of our past, of our present and of our futures. I have done just such a thing tonight.

Forgiveness is offered in small ceremonies of trust.

And I trust him.

The Visitor

I don’t know how long I stared out the window, still dressed in my clothes of mourning, still trying to make sense of a senseless situation. The map I hadn’t gotten a chance to show Castor was spread out in front of me, but I couldn’t bear to look at it, my thoughts too troubled, too restless, too weary. Finally, unable to stare at unmoving shadows any longer, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes. Sleep came in splintered escape, the needles of dreams prickling at my conscience, I lost in my loneliness.

I don’t know how long I slept, whether it was ehns or ahns, but when wakefulness pulled at my eyes, forcing them to open, I noted someone had made a fire in my room. And someone was sitting in the chair near my bed, cloaked in darkness. Even though my eyes blurred with sleep and half lidded reality, my reaction was immediate. My hand slipped beneath the empty pillow beside me, a dagger soon held between me and the shadow I wasn't so sure wasn't there to kill me. Of course I knew he could have killed me in my sleep, but some preferred the taste of terror in their victims beforehand.

My voice was iced with fright when I asked him who he was in what he was doing in my room, resisting the urge to scream. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to scream at all. Maybe I wanted it all to end tonight. Perhaps I wanted to embrace death, before I had a chance to change my mind.

The shadow told me that he had come to deliver a message from the High Initiate Phelps, a name that drew a rasping sound from the back of my throat. A man I had never met, but was no less terrified of. He told me to undress, I refused, and the next thing I realized was his dagger had whispered across the strap of my shift, baring a breast from the fallen flap of fabric, I completely caught in the silvery dust of moonlight.

But in the end I was not raped as I had presumed. No brutal touches as I expected. And the message he delivered was not from Phelps as I had feared, but Castor himself, a specter of my past.

I now hold all of his monies, his possessions and his real estate. Everything was left to me, the will written in his own hand.

I am a rich woman, many times over.

He bid me goodnight and disappeared via the courtyard.

And I know I will see him again.

Love’s Eternal Flame

He’s dead, a concept I’m still having trouble grasping.

Gabriel showed up at my door, Charm in hand, I not immediately realizing it was not Castor. But on closer inspection I noticed more hair and the difference in his eyes. Gabe’s have never been as cold and calculating as his twin’s.

His words shocked me and I could not comprehend, my eyes wide in disbelief, my heart constricting as if it were caught in a vice. He had found Charm in an orphanage a hand ago and she had been staying with him because he did not know where I was. I had not even thought to give him my new address.

I didn’t understand what reason Castor would have for leaving our child at an orphanage, and then it hit me. He would have never left her there of his own free will. My realization of Castor’s death was imminent with Gabe’s words. He’d been murdered, found out that he was working against Phelps for the resistance. Dead. He couldn’t be.

I insisted on seeing the body but Gabriel would have none of it, saying I should be spared such a sight. He then handed me a package, one spattered with blood. Castor’s blood. It had been found in his things, a gift for me.

Within the paper wrapping were a set of robes, the most beautiful I had ever seen. Blue with hints of sable, veils, slippers and gloves. Charm too, had a set in pink and peach. Finally he was going to see me in something other then brown. I inwardly winced when I realized that he would not see me in them. It had taken death to finally find me in something brilliantly colorful.

Stunned silence was settled between us, until he lifted to his feet to take his leave, telling me that Charm hadn’t spoken a word since. Oh, kings, had she seen what happened to her father? My terror at being left alone was extinguished in the knowledge that it was her I should be worried about. It was she I had to protect.

There was an eerie quiet between us, Charming and I, and although she would not speak to me, she did take long moments to stare at me, before she would again receded into her own little world. That night I held her tight, afraid that if I let her go, she might disappear forever, just as he father had done.

The day of the pyre was undoubtedly the hardest day of my life.

After even seeing the body from a distance I realized why Gabe had refused to allow me to view it. I stood there long after the body had turned to ash, long after the coals of wood had gone cold and the smoke had dissipated in the wind. It was late when Gabe and Zarah walked me back to the house, offering to take Charm for the night so I could grieve. I agreed, knowing I would be no good to her this night.

I can still see him, like the afterimage of recent dream, calling to me, whispering my name so that only I can hear. The last word from him I had was a misty coated, single phrase in a mirror. Forgive me. But It is I who should have begged for forgiveness.

The Map

As planned, we met in the library, Lucian and I, and Aestral, who I had earlier allowed to read the myth I had found. I had decided to tell her as well, but had refused to tell her in the falls.

By the time they arrived, I was carefully spreading out and smoothing the fragile map, once again noting the holes. What I thought had been holes made by insects and time, upon closer inspection, did indeed seem to have been placed there on purpose. And then I realized I recognized a constellation. Lucian had been right.

But as I continued to unroll it, I was quickly despaired. Part of the map was missing, along with the legend that ran along its bottom edge.

The map was far too delicate to be lifted above one’s head, especially outside where even a slight breeze would have probably crumbled it to bits. So while I explained to Aestral my predicament, and what the myth had to do with me, Lucian began a strange process of copying the map, warning both Aestral and I to step back until the liquid dried.

I began thinking out loud again, going back to the first passage I had found in Port Cos, the page that had Cos written in the corner. Could the amulet be there? I think we call came to the conclusion that perhaps the other half of the map could be found there, though Lucian did offer further information.

It seems that during, and after, the reign of Lurius of Cos there was a sect of scribes that held certain knowledge, which was kept from both the powers that be as well as other castes. Some of this information included medical.. and some included spies. Could there be a connection? He thought perhaps that was a possibility, being as I had found the passage in Port Cos. He has only recently found out another fact about his family, which he had learned from one of their former members.

I’m hoping he can put me in touch with this former member. Even more I wish he could accompany me there, but there is still so much to do here. Perhaps after Bonnie’s baby is born we can all travel there.

We looked for a date on the map, but could find nothing, though I did spot a mass of small hilly lumps which I assumed to be mountains. A starting point. The Sardar.

With the liquid on the new map dried, he rolled the map up and handed it to me, all of us journeying outside to see if we couldn’t try and line it up with the stars.

I did hold it up, but soon handed it over to Lucian, since he had a better grasp of the stars than I. After several twists and turns in direction, all of seeming to move at once which must have seemed some bizarre ritual to anyone that would happen to glance out way, he found what he thought was the proper alignment, even with the overdraft of stars that had moved. He studied it for a moment and before he told us he thought he had the direction in which to look. And it wasn’t Cos.

But since we were still missing a crucial part of the map, all he could say for sure was that he suspected it was in the direction of Gordon Heights, Kasra and the Tahari Region.

It looks as if I will soon be making travel plans.

The Key of Aeacus and Auryn (Pt 2)

"Aeacus was born not of a man of flesh, but a being of power, an immortal who ruled a world as old at time. When he was but a babe, he was whisked away to the island of Aegina, and so that his son would not be alone, his father made men of meat and bone from the ants which Aeacus ruled over.

The boy grew into manhood and was renowned for his justice and piety, frequently called upon to settle not only the disputes of his peers, but of the gods as well, fast becoming a man most favored by the latter. Upon this great peacemaker’s death he was given the duty of being one of the three judges in the City of Dust, a man who would eternally hold the keys for death.

But the story does not end there.

Within his new found realm of eternity, a woman stood before the men of justice, begging to be allowed to return to the land of the living so that she might care for her young children, for they had no one else to tend to them. Aeacus fell in love with Auryn at first sight, and though the other two judges denied her, Aeacus’ heart wept for her and he secretly swore to help her. He created an amulet, a key, one that would melt the worlds of life and death, forcing the walls of reality to crumble, which would make it possible for her to return to her children…

But there was one problem with Aeacus’ amulet. Someone from the other side would need to place it on her body; just over her heart, where it would need to rest until death claimed her once again. If it was removed while she was yet alive, she would breathe no more. And time was running out. Such must be done by the dual midnight moons which was less than a day away. Aeacus had told her where he would place the key within her tomb, but it would be up to her find a living soul in the harbor of life to place it on her.

Travel through the breach of worlds is near impossible, but he promised her it could be done with a simple meditation skill and an incantation of words as old as time itself. This prose he taught her, only to be immediately followed by a warning. If she did not find someone to aide her, her soul would always be lost between two layers of consciousness. That of the living and that of the dead, for there was always a price to pay when one dealt in the mystical arts, and he would be able to assist her no more.

Auryn agreed, secure in the knowledge that she would find a willing accomplice.

The first man she approached was her deceased companion’s brother, she calling upon him with her disembodied voice. He implored her to stop the whispers, beseeching her to leave him in peace, and when she did not, his mind snapped, and he impaled his ears with daggers so that the murmuring madness would cease.

The second man she approached was her brother, Brachius, again the tempered voice of a grieving mother pleading for his help. This time however, her wish was granted. She had found her mortal and much needed assistant.

But Aeacus had made a fatal mistake when crafting the oracle that would send his beloved to the land of the living. Because he revered her so, he had made it from the purest gold, a testament of his true feelings for her. But when Brachius saw it, he was blinded by greed and no amount of a lulling voice would combat his gluttony for his shimmering prize.

He refused to lay the amulet on the cold pale flesh of his sister, instead fleeing with the talisman now tainted with his trials of treachery.

All was lost for Auryn.

Aeacus watched with a bleeding heart, pleading with the other two judges to show the woman he loved mercy. After exactly one month of haggling and arguing, a judgment was found. A small moon was hung in the sky next to the other large and smaller ones and given the name Prison Moon, Auryn’s prison for eternity, her crime for an innocent man’s life, and for three days every month when the moons were full, in a world of shadow and night, her .. gift would be illusion and hysteria, a deception of dark and light."

The book is found.

Too, I have found a map, one so old and worn I fear its fragility will lessen my chance of seeking any further. It is littered with tiny holes, which Lucian tells me could be a star map of sorts, one that can be held up to the skies as navigation. Quite brilliant actually, but with it's being so old, we will have to seek out a someone who can translate the stars movement over the past.. how many years? I thought with the information I found, things would get easier. But it seem to only be getting harder. He has promised tonight we will visit the library where he can get a better visual on what I have found.

I'm one step closer.

(Author’s note: The legend of Aeacus was taken from Greek mythology, this writing entailing only the first two paragraphs of his story. The rest is my imagination at work, save for the help of the woman’s name. Thank you Castor mun.)

Betrayal and Companionships

I have betrayed him by not telling him the truth and this time I do not believe he will forgive me. I tried to explain, but my words fell on deaf ears. He has made up his mind and all the pleading in the world will not change it. Castor left me shortly after the last words of the companionship were spoken to tuck Charm in, who was already asleep on his shoulder, but I had decided to stay and enjoy the party, mostly because I didn’t feel as if I could face him. I keep telling myself that there is no going back, that there is only forward motion, an ultimate goal which must be attained, but the pain is none the less present. Of course, it was dulled with a full glass of wine, and at one point I felt .. giddy. I do hope no one reminds me of that, my denial will be immediate.

The ceremony was lovely, despite the fact that my own life was falling down around me. Lucian has gifted Bonnie with a pond.. and teahouse, an amazing present considering the time it was raised in.

When at last I did return to Charm’s room, I found them both asleep, she sprawled across his chest, his arm behind his head. The familiar knot of dread started in the pit of my stomach and began to thrust upward, ending in a not too quiet hiccup. One made before I could remove myself from the room.

I had awoken him, and what was worse, was that he knew I had been drinking. I moved to sit at the edge of the bed, near him, when I had the crazy sensation to slap him. I could only reach his leg as he still lay on the bed, not wanting to get within arm’s length of him. I tried to explain for a second time that night, trying to keep a tight lid on my emotions, but I was failing miserable. So I slapped at his leg again, but this time he slid out from under Charm, carefully moving her to the bed, before he slipped his hand into mine, grabbed a bottle and pulled me from the room.

He tugged me to an attic room, where I soon found myself tossed to a pile of furs, the bottle of what I now realized was wine tossed beside me, he telling me to drink up.

I of course in my new found liquid courage refused. Twice. He of course in his ever dominating affliction insisted. He was telling me how I had betrayed him, even as he was forcing the wine down my throat. I felt as if I was drowning in a wine fire, the alcohol burning my nose, my throat and my lungs.

He told me there would be no more running, not for either of us, and then preceded to drink half the bottle. I couldn’t make him understand I did not keep my secret from him to hurt him. When he started to rise to his feet, I did as well, though my balance was precarious at best. Another wave of light headedness hit me, but somehow I held my ground and barely swayed. He was leaving me again!

I’ve heard that redheads have uncontrollable tempers, but this was a trait that had never affected me, until now. I had always been the quiet, meek woman, one that was totally at ease with being lost in a crowd. Positively forgettable. But not tonight.

Once again I found myself trying to attack him, but this time I was aiming for his face. But I misjudged the distance between us and instead of a stinging hand across his cheek; I tripped and fell into him, only to continue in my fury with my fists pounding against his chest, beating against the wall of flesh as hard as I could. Bastard! I needed him now more than ever and he was leaving me! How dare he call me selfish! At this point I was sobbing as well, my words slurred and incomprehensive.

He pulled my head back by a handful of hair and stared into my eyes before ripping my robe in one clean rent down the center. Then his hand was placed over my heart, where it slid down to the child safely entrapped in my womb. His child. I had expected to feel the touch of pain, but instead, he was gentle with me. And then he started to kiss me, delicately at first, but with a desire so grand I wondered if such lust would ever be quenched.

When I awoke the next morning, I found myself in my own bed.

And Castor and Charm were gone, all I had left a note written in the mist of the bathroom mirror. "Forgive me."

Today I go back to Ar’s library, to take a look at the books I missed the first time, those that reside out of the hands of the public. I must keep busy. I must not lose hope.

I certainly could use a sliver or two of luck.

Dear Sister

Maayan Asente

Caithris Island

2nd day of First Hand of the Month of Akas (6) in the year 10,159 CA

Dear Sister,
You probably remember me as nothing more than a shadow, if you remember me at all. For that I apologize, not being able to be there as you bloomed from child to woman. I should have returned once the collar of slavery was removed and I have no excuses, save to say that life did not stop as I thought it would.

But no more excuses.

I am writing in hopes that you will aid me in a search I have recently started, research actually, I finding I cannot be everywhere at once. I’m am seeking information on a book, or more directly, a key. I have found only a single passage that details any information on this book, which I have enclosed.

And now what I need from you.

It would be of great benefit to me if you could sail to the island of Cos and infiltrate its libraries, for on the page that held this tale I seek, was only a single word written. Cos.

I can only assume you have taken the caste of our father, thus you will be allowed access to books and scrolls that otherwise would be out of your reach.

I look forward to your reply and hope that I can count on you.

Please kiss the family for me and tell momma and papa they have a granddaughter. Her name is Charm and she is three years old. I can’t wait until they can meet her.

Your sister,

Astraea

The Key of Aeacus and Auryn

“Aeacus was born not of a man of flesh, but a being of power, an immortal who ruled a world as old at time. When he was but a babe, he was whisked away to the island of Aegina, and so that his son would not be alone, his father made men of meat and bone from the ants which Aeacus ruled over.

The boy grew into manhood and was renowned for his justice and piety, frequently called upon to settle not only the disputes of his peers, but of the gods as well, fast becoming a man most favored by the latter. Upon this great peacemaker’s death he was given the duty of being one of the three judges in the City of Dust, a man who would eternally hold the keys for death.

But the story does not end there.

Within his new found realm of eternity, a woman stood before the men of justice, begging to be allowed to return to the land of the living so that she might care for her young children, for they had no one else to tend to them. Aeacus fell in love with Auryn at first sight, and though the other two judges denied her, Aeacus’ heart wept for her and he secretly swore to help her. He created an amulet, a key, one that would melt the worlds of life and death, forcing the walls of reality to crumble, which would make it possible for her to return to her children…”

I have found the passage which I have sought, a clipping of text stowed away in the back of one of the fabled tales of an ancient book. I now have a name, something more to seek. This text also promises a complete volume of written information, which of course means another book to search for, not much, but more than I had a day ago.

I am still be plagued by dreams, though they seem to be changing. Not only am I seeing and hearing my mother, but my youngest sister as well. Only glimpses, small snippets of visual pulses that go as quickly as they come. What could she possibly have to do with all of this? There must be a reason, but what can it be? I have decided to write her, to invite her to join me, to see if she has any information that can help me.

Whispers

“You shall bear the child that will break the curse. Already this son takes root in your womb. He is the gift that we have awaited for a thousand years, a male heir that will change the course of bloodlines. No longer will your daughter be plagued with the future of slavery, but such gifts will come at great cost. Once the babe has been safely delivered from your body, a life will be in forfeit, a life freely offered in trade. Your life, my daughter…”

I awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, despite the humid breeze coming in from the open window. In spite of the furs pulled up over my body I could not seem to get warm and I could not shake the feeling of trepidation.

Something isn’t right. Something is.. missing.

But I don’t know what that ‘something’ is.

Memories come in bits and pieces, fragile disjointed sentences that I have to strain to hear. Chaotic whispers that continue to confuse me, as if.. something else seeks my council. Tomorrow is my last day at the library, Lucian having gained me access to the non public books. I want to promise myself that if I find nothing, I will return to Ar, to my family, and make due with what time I have left.

But I know that is a promise that I cannot make.

I have one more thing to do before giving up.

I need to go home.