X

X doesn't always mark the spot and legends aren't always meant to be taken literally.

I've run into a dead end, with no more leads to follow. Perhaps I am not looking closely enough. Or perhaps I am wishing for a pipe dream that's never had any more substance then what my imagination has created.

If Maayan turns anything up, then perhaps I will continue my search, but if her hands come up as empty as mine, I think I should start putting other plans in motion. Dark guardian or not, I'm am quickly finding that none of us are invincible.

Safe Keeping

My man in black, as I have come to learn, is going to help me. He visited me once again, because I had decided that Charm would be safer with Gabe and Zarah. Even though I do not care for the woman, she loves my daughter and I know she would take good care of her.

It did not, however go as I had planned. Not even in the door yet, my dark guardian told me to stay back, that Gabriel was going to punch him, which indeed he did.

It happened so quickly I’m not sure how he got his arms around Gabriel’s neck, but he was soon squeezing so brutishly that Gabriel could no longer breathe. That’s when Zarah started to hit him in the back with the bristles of a broom. And when that didn’t work, she started to beat him with the handle. It was only when he saw her coming at him with a dagger, that he released Gabe, dropping the man to the floor and dislocating Zarah’s wrist at the same time. Or perhaps it was me pleading with him to cease that made him stop. I think I will never know.

Gabe was about to throw us all out, so I quickly told him about the curse, the pregnancy, the reason for my visit. And I could tell Zarah hoped I wouldn’t come back, so she could keep her peaceful little family intact.

In the end, they both turned away from me, even though they agreed to care for Charm. I’m still wondering if I did the right thing.

It was on the way home he told me things, things I never thought to hear. Horrible things I did not wish to hear, but I knew I needed to.

We are not always the persona we put forth. There are dark and terrible things that lurk within us all, that create the monsters we have become. It is for each of us to find and accept what we can about the abominations of those close to us, to embrace and try to understand the shadows of our past, of our present and of our futures. I have done just such a thing tonight.

Forgiveness is offered in small ceremonies of trust.

And I trust him.

The Visitor

I don’t know how long I stared out the window, still dressed in my clothes of mourning, still trying to make sense of a senseless situation. The map I hadn’t gotten a chance to show Castor was spread out in front of me, but I couldn’t bear to look at it, my thoughts too troubled, too restless, too weary. Finally, unable to stare at unmoving shadows any longer, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes. Sleep came in splintered escape, the needles of dreams prickling at my conscience, I lost in my loneliness.

I don’t know how long I slept, whether it was ehns or ahns, but when wakefulness pulled at my eyes, forcing them to open, I noted someone had made a fire in my room. And someone was sitting in the chair near my bed, cloaked in darkness. Even though my eyes blurred with sleep and half lidded reality, my reaction was immediate. My hand slipped beneath the empty pillow beside me, a dagger soon held between me and the shadow I wasn't so sure wasn't there to kill me. Of course I knew he could have killed me in my sleep, but some preferred the taste of terror in their victims beforehand.

My voice was iced with fright when I asked him who he was in what he was doing in my room, resisting the urge to scream. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to scream at all. Maybe I wanted it all to end tonight. Perhaps I wanted to embrace death, before I had a chance to change my mind.

The shadow told me that he had come to deliver a message from the High Initiate Phelps, a name that drew a rasping sound from the back of my throat. A man I had never met, but was no less terrified of. He told me to undress, I refused, and the next thing I realized was his dagger had whispered across the strap of my shift, baring a breast from the fallen flap of fabric, I completely caught in the silvery dust of moonlight.

But in the end I was not raped as I had presumed. No brutal touches as I expected. And the message he delivered was not from Phelps as I had feared, but Castor himself, a specter of my past.

I now hold all of his monies, his possessions and his real estate. Everything was left to me, the will written in his own hand.

I am a rich woman, many times over.

He bid me goodnight and disappeared via the courtyard.

And I know I will see him again.

Love’s Eternal Flame

He’s dead, a concept I’m still having trouble grasping.

Gabriel showed up at my door, Charm in hand, I not immediately realizing it was not Castor. But on closer inspection I noticed more hair and the difference in his eyes. Gabe’s have never been as cold and calculating as his twin’s.

His words shocked me and I could not comprehend, my eyes wide in disbelief, my heart constricting as if it were caught in a vice. He had found Charm in an orphanage a hand ago and she had been staying with him because he did not know where I was. I had not even thought to give him my new address.

I didn’t understand what reason Castor would have for leaving our child at an orphanage, and then it hit me. He would have never left her there of his own free will. My realization of Castor’s death was imminent with Gabe’s words. He’d been murdered, found out that he was working against Phelps for the resistance. Dead. He couldn’t be.

I insisted on seeing the body but Gabriel would have none of it, saying I should be spared such a sight. He then handed me a package, one spattered with blood. Castor’s blood. It had been found in his things, a gift for me.

Within the paper wrapping were a set of robes, the most beautiful I had ever seen. Blue with hints of sable, veils, slippers and gloves. Charm too, had a set in pink and peach. Finally he was going to see me in something other then brown. I inwardly winced when I realized that he would not see me in them. It had taken death to finally find me in something brilliantly colorful.

Stunned silence was settled between us, until he lifted to his feet to take his leave, telling me that Charm hadn’t spoken a word since. Oh, kings, had she seen what happened to her father? My terror at being left alone was extinguished in the knowledge that it was her I should be worried about. It was she I had to protect.

There was an eerie quiet between us, Charming and I, and although she would not speak to me, she did take long moments to stare at me, before she would again receded into her own little world. That night I held her tight, afraid that if I let her go, she might disappear forever, just as he father had done.

The day of the pyre was undoubtedly the hardest day of my life.

After even seeing the body from a distance I realized why Gabe had refused to allow me to view it. I stood there long after the body had turned to ash, long after the coals of wood had gone cold and the smoke had dissipated in the wind. It was late when Gabe and Zarah walked me back to the house, offering to take Charm for the night so I could grieve. I agreed, knowing I would be no good to her this night.

I can still see him, like the afterimage of recent dream, calling to me, whispering my name so that only I can hear. The last word from him I had was a misty coated, single phrase in a mirror. Forgive me. But It is I who should have begged for forgiveness.

The Map

As planned, we met in the library, Lucian and I, and Aestral, who I had earlier allowed to read the myth I had found. I had decided to tell her as well, but had refused to tell her in the falls.

By the time they arrived, I was carefully spreading out and smoothing the fragile map, once again noting the holes. What I thought had been holes made by insects and time, upon closer inspection, did indeed seem to have been placed there on purpose. And then I realized I recognized a constellation. Lucian had been right.

But as I continued to unroll it, I was quickly despaired. Part of the map was missing, along with the legend that ran along its bottom edge.

The map was far too delicate to be lifted above one’s head, especially outside where even a slight breeze would have probably crumbled it to bits. So while I explained to Aestral my predicament, and what the myth had to do with me, Lucian began a strange process of copying the map, warning both Aestral and I to step back until the liquid dried.

I began thinking out loud again, going back to the first passage I had found in Port Cos, the page that had Cos written in the corner. Could the amulet be there? I think we call came to the conclusion that perhaps the other half of the map could be found there, though Lucian did offer further information.

It seems that during, and after, the reign of Lurius of Cos there was a sect of scribes that held certain knowledge, which was kept from both the powers that be as well as other castes. Some of this information included medical.. and some included spies. Could there be a connection? He thought perhaps that was a possibility, being as I had found the passage in Port Cos. He has only recently found out another fact about his family, which he had learned from one of their former members.

I’m hoping he can put me in touch with this former member. Even more I wish he could accompany me there, but there is still so much to do here. Perhaps after Bonnie’s baby is born we can all travel there.

We looked for a date on the map, but could find nothing, though I did spot a mass of small hilly lumps which I assumed to be mountains. A starting point. The Sardar.

With the liquid on the new map dried, he rolled the map up and handed it to me, all of us journeying outside to see if we couldn’t try and line it up with the stars.

I did hold it up, but soon handed it over to Lucian, since he had a better grasp of the stars than I. After several twists and turns in direction, all of seeming to move at once which must have seemed some bizarre ritual to anyone that would happen to glance out way, he found what he thought was the proper alignment, even with the overdraft of stars that had moved. He studied it for a moment and before he told us he thought he had the direction in which to look. And it wasn’t Cos.

But since we were still missing a crucial part of the map, all he could say for sure was that he suspected it was in the direction of Gordon Heights, Kasra and the Tahari Region.

It looks as if I will soon be making travel plans.

The Key of Aeacus and Auryn (Pt 2)

"Aeacus was born not of a man of flesh, but a being of power, an immortal who ruled a world as old at time. When he was but a babe, he was whisked away to the island of Aegina, and so that his son would not be alone, his father made men of meat and bone from the ants which Aeacus ruled over.

The boy grew into manhood and was renowned for his justice and piety, frequently called upon to settle not only the disputes of his peers, but of the gods as well, fast becoming a man most favored by the latter. Upon this great peacemaker’s death he was given the duty of being one of the three judges in the City of Dust, a man who would eternally hold the keys for death.

But the story does not end there.

Within his new found realm of eternity, a woman stood before the men of justice, begging to be allowed to return to the land of the living so that she might care for her young children, for they had no one else to tend to them. Aeacus fell in love with Auryn at first sight, and though the other two judges denied her, Aeacus’ heart wept for her and he secretly swore to help her. He created an amulet, a key, one that would melt the worlds of life and death, forcing the walls of reality to crumble, which would make it possible for her to return to her children…

But there was one problem with Aeacus’ amulet. Someone from the other side would need to place it on her body; just over her heart, where it would need to rest until death claimed her once again. If it was removed while she was yet alive, she would breathe no more. And time was running out. Such must be done by the dual midnight moons which was less than a day away. Aeacus had told her where he would place the key within her tomb, but it would be up to her find a living soul in the harbor of life to place it on her.

Travel through the breach of worlds is near impossible, but he promised her it could be done with a simple meditation skill and an incantation of words as old as time itself. This prose he taught her, only to be immediately followed by a warning. If she did not find someone to aide her, her soul would always be lost between two layers of consciousness. That of the living and that of the dead, for there was always a price to pay when one dealt in the mystical arts, and he would be able to assist her no more.

Auryn agreed, secure in the knowledge that she would find a willing accomplice.

The first man she approached was her deceased companion’s brother, she calling upon him with her disembodied voice. He implored her to stop the whispers, beseeching her to leave him in peace, and when she did not, his mind snapped, and he impaled his ears with daggers so that the murmuring madness would cease.

The second man she approached was her brother, Brachius, again the tempered voice of a grieving mother pleading for his help. This time however, her wish was granted. She had found her mortal and much needed assistant.

But Aeacus had made a fatal mistake when crafting the oracle that would send his beloved to the land of the living. Because he revered her so, he had made it from the purest gold, a testament of his true feelings for her. But when Brachius saw it, he was blinded by greed and no amount of a lulling voice would combat his gluttony for his shimmering prize.

He refused to lay the amulet on the cold pale flesh of his sister, instead fleeing with the talisman now tainted with his trials of treachery.

All was lost for Auryn.

Aeacus watched with a bleeding heart, pleading with the other two judges to show the woman he loved mercy. After exactly one month of haggling and arguing, a judgment was found. A small moon was hung in the sky next to the other large and smaller ones and given the name Prison Moon, Auryn’s prison for eternity, her crime for an innocent man’s life, and for three days every month when the moons were full, in a world of shadow and night, her .. gift would be illusion and hysteria, a deception of dark and light."

The book is found.

Too, I have found a map, one so old and worn I fear its fragility will lessen my chance of seeking any further. It is littered with tiny holes, which Lucian tells me could be a star map of sorts, one that can be held up to the skies as navigation. Quite brilliant actually, but with it's being so old, we will have to seek out a someone who can translate the stars movement over the past.. how many years? I thought with the information I found, things would get easier. But it seem to only be getting harder. He has promised tonight we will visit the library where he can get a better visual on what I have found.

I'm one step closer.

(Author’s note: The legend of Aeacus was taken from Greek mythology, this writing entailing only the first two paragraphs of his story. The rest is my imagination at work, save for the help of the woman’s name. Thank you Castor mun.)

Betrayal and Companionships

I have betrayed him by not telling him the truth and this time I do not believe he will forgive me. I tried to explain, but my words fell on deaf ears. He has made up his mind and all the pleading in the world will not change it. Castor left me shortly after the last words of the companionship were spoken to tuck Charm in, who was already asleep on his shoulder, but I had decided to stay and enjoy the party, mostly because I didn’t feel as if I could face him. I keep telling myself that there is no going back, that there is only forward motion, an ultimate goal which must be attained, but the pain is none the less present. Of course, it was dulled with a full glass of wine, and at one point I felt .. giddy. I do hope no one reminds me of that, my denial will be immediate.

The ceremony was lovely, despite the fact that my own life was falling down around me. Lucian has gifted Bonnie with a pond.. and teahouse, an amazing present considering the time it was raised in.

When at last I did return to Charm’s room, I found them both asleep, she sprawled across his chest, his arm behind his head. The familiar knot of dread started in the pit of my stomach and began to thrust upward, ending in a not too quiet hiccup. One made before I could remove myself from the room.

I had awoken him, and what was worse, was that he knew I had been drinking. I moved to sit at the edge of the bed, near him, when I had the crazy sensation to slap him. I could only reach his leg as he still lay on the bed, not wanting to get within arm’s length of him. I tried to explain for a second time that night, trying to keep a tight lid on my emotions, but I was failing miserable. So I slapped at his leg again, but this time he slid out from under Charm, carefully moving her to the bed, before he slipped his hand into mine, grabbed a bottle and pulled me from the room.

He tugged me to an attic room, where I soon found myself tossed to a pile of furs, the bottle of what I now realized was wine tossed beside me, he telling me to drink up.

I of course in my new found liquid courage refused. Twice. He of course in his ever dominating affliction insisted. He was telling me how I had betrayed him, even as he was forcing the wine down my throat. I felt as if I was drowning in a wine fire, the alcohol burning my nose, my throat and my lungs.

He told me there would be no more running, not for either of us, and then preceded to drink half the bottle. I couldn’t make him understand I did not keep my secret from him to hurt him. When he started to rise to his feet, I did as well, though my balance was precarious at best. Another wave of light headedness hit me, but somehow I held my ground and barely swayed. He was leaving me again!

I’ve heard that redheads have uncontrollable tempers, but this was a trait that had never affected me, until now. I had always been the quiet, meek woman, one that was totally at ease with being lost in a crowd. Positively forgettable. But not tonight.

Once again I found myself trying to attack him, but this time I was aiming for his face. But I misjudged the distance between us and instead of a stinging hand across his cheek; I tripped and fell into him, only to continue in my fury with my fists pounding against his chest, beating against the wall of flesh as hard as I could. Bastard! I needed him now more than ever and he was leaving me! How dare he call me selfish! At this point I was sobbing as well, my words slurred and incomprehensive.

He pulled my head back by a handful of hair and stared into my eyes before ripping my robe in one clean rent down the center. Then his hand was placed over my heart, where it slid down to the child safely entrapped in my womb. His child. I had expected to feel the touch of pain, but instead, he was gentle with me. And then he started to kiss me, delicately at first, but with a desire so grand I wondered if such lust would ever be quenched.

When I awoke the next morning, I found myself in my own bed.

And Castor and Charm were gone, all I had left a note written in the mist of the bathroom mirror. "Forgive me."

Today I go back to Ar’s library, to take a look at the books I missed the first time, those that reside out of the hands of the public. I must keep busy. I must not lose hope.

I certainly could use a sliver or two of luck.

Dear Sister

Maayan Asente

Caithris Island

2nd day of First Hand of the Month of Akas (6) in the year 10,159 CA

Dear Sister,
You probably remember me as nothing more than a shadow, if you remember me at all. For that I apologize, not being able to be there as you bloomed from child to woman. I should have returned once the collar of slavery was removed and I have no excuses, save to say that life did not stop as I thought it would.

But no more excuses.

I am writing in hopes that you will aid me in a search I have recently started, research actually, I finding I cannot be everywhere at once. I’m am seeking information on a book, or more directly, a key. I have found only a single passage that details any information on this book, which I have enclosed.

And now what I need from you.

It would be of great benefit to me if you could sail to the island of Cos and infiltrate its libraries, for on the page that held this tale I seek, was only a single word written. Cos.

I can only assume you have taken the caste of our father, thus you will be allowed access to books and scrolls that otherwise would be out of your reach.

I look forward to your reply and hope that I can count on you.

Please kiss the family for me and tell momma and papa they have a granddaughter. Her name is Charm and she is three years old. I can’t wait until they can meet her.

Your sister,

Astraea

The Key of Aeacus and Auryn

“Aeacus was born not of a man of flesh, but a being of power, an immortal who ruled a world as old at time. When he was but a babe, he was whisked away to the island of Aegina, and so that his son would not be alone, his father made men of meat and bone from the ants which Aeacus ruled over.

The boy grew into manhood and was renowned for his justice and piety, frequently called upon to settle not only the disputes of his peers, but of the gods as well, fast becoming a man most favored by the latter. Upon this great peacemaker’s death he was given the duty of being one of the three judges in the City of Dust, a man who would eternally hold the keys for death.

But the story does not end there.

Within his new found realm of eternity, a woman stood before the men of justice, begging to be allowed to return to the land of the living so that she might care for her young children, for they had no one else to tend to them. Aeacus fell in love with Auryn at first sight, and though the other two judges denied her, Aeacus’ heart wept for her and he secretly swore to help her. He created an amulet, a key, one that would melt the worlds of life and death, forcing the walls of reality to crumble, which would make it possible for her to return to her children…”

I have found the passage which I have sought, a clipping of text stowed away in the back of one of the fabled tales of an ancient book. I now have a name, something more to seek. This text also promises a complete volume of written information, which of course means another book to search for, not much, but more than I had a day ago.

I am still be plagued by dreams, though they seem to be changing. Not only am I seeing and hearing my mother, but my youngest sister as well. Only glimpses, small snippets of visual pulses that go as quickly as they come. What could she possibly have to do with all of this? There must be a reason, but what can it be? I have decided to write her, to invite her to join me, to see if she has any information that can help me.

Whispers

“You shall bear the child that will break the curse. Already this son takes root in your womb. He is the gift that we have awaited for a thousand years, a male heir that will change the course of bloodlines. No longer will your daughter be plagued with the future of slavery, but such gifts will come at great cost. Once the babe has been safely delivered from your body, a life will be in forfeit, a life freely offered in trade. Your life, my daughter…”

I awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, despite the humid breeze coming in from the open window. In spite of the furs pulled up over my body I could not seem to get warm and I could not shake the feeling of trepidation.

Something isn’t right. Something is.. missing.

But I don’t know what that ‘something’ is.

Memories come in bits and pieces, fragile disjointed sentences that I have to strain to hear. Chaotic whispers that continue to confuse me, as if.. something else seeks my council. Tomorrow is my last day at the library, Lucian having gained me access to the non public books. I want to promise myself that if I find nothing, I will return to Ar, to my family, and make due with what time I have left.

But I know that is a promise that I cannot make.

I have one more thing to do before giving up.

I need to go home.

Seeds of Time

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, Speak.
William Shakespeare

I haven’t slept well since coming to Port Cos and I believe the lack of it is starting to catch up with me. My body is strained and my mind is stressed, but at least I have alleviated one worry, the letter to Castor that I have been putting off for days. Finally it is written and sent, I only hope he does not hate me for it.

Charm is still talking to Aiden, though she refuses to share with me what transpires between them. I swear there are times she looks at me through his eyes, his love, his anger and his hurt. I fear for her and I can see his hold on her growing stronger. I now believe I should have left her in Ar with her father, who can better protect her. My selfishness in wanting her near me could prove to be the worst decision I have ever made. But what terrifies me even more, is I’m sure he knows where we are, and being as he raped me, I know what he is capable of.

Port Cos seems to currently be a volatile city with its fires and unruly rest. Lucian has suggested I do not leave the house with less than three guards. I am of the opinion he is correct. Charm and I journey out only to the Library, where I have been given another stack of books to study. These are the last of the volumes that would contain the information I need. If I do not find what I seek within their dusty pages, I am at a loss at where to turn next. If only I could find a name, a drawing, something more to go on.

I should rest. It will be dawn soon.

A Letter from Port Cos

Dear Castor,

It’s been well over a hand since last I saw you, touched you and smelled the leather on your skin. I miss you so badly I can sometimes feel your breath on my neck and hear your voice whispering into my ear. It makes me wish we didn’t argue so, too much time wasted between us.

Charm misses her father and she asks about you every night, but not to worry, I’m sure to always give her a special kiss just from you.

Port Cos is a noisy place and there always seems to be something going on. Charm and I have been spending most of our time since coming here in the Library, where she has found a friend in the librarian’s four year old son, while I study.

There is something I want, no, need to tell you, but I’m not quite sure how to broach the subject. I know you’re going to be angry with me, and I now realize you have every right to be. I only hope that you can understand.. why I have done the things I have done. Why I have made the decisions that may unravel the thread of our relationship.

I’m going to begin by telling you things you already know, even though I know how maddening that is for you. For as far back as my family can remember, only females have been born to our line. It’s a curse we have endured for generations, with no knowledge of how to break it, with never a male heir to carry on the family name. Though they may love their daughters, fathers want sons, sons we of my lineage can never give them.. until now.

The night of the storm, we conceived a child, a child that will be the first male to be born into my family. So you see, I was barely pregnant when you took me into that room and past the black curtain. But something happened in there, within the walls of calming blue, something both wonderful.. and terrifying. I heard my mother’s voice, so sweet and soft and soothing, and she predicted the coming of our son. But all I told you was that I was pregnant. I didn’t tell you everything.

She also told me that for the curse to be broken and for our son to live, there would have to be another life in forfeit. She prophesied that only a few ehns after having giving birth, that life in forfeit will be mine, a small price to pay for the future of our children.

But she also gave me a ray of hope, a fable; the legend of an amulet that would trap my consciousness from fleeing my body after our son is born. It is the myth of this amulet that I have come to Port Cos in search of, trying to gather every morsel of information on it I can find. I know I should have told you but I did not wish to give you false hope.

I hold within me the decision to keep searching, or come home and spend what days I have left with you.

I am afraid, for either decision I make, I lose.

Forgive me.

Lover of mine,

Astraea

The Assassin

The face was familiar, but I had not, until I saw the dagger displayed on his forehead, realized what he was. He was still polite, as he had been upon past chance meetings, offering to buy me supper, if I could direct him to an inn. My own establishment in the city has not yet been developed, but we did find an inn, one crowded upon first entrance and then quickly clearing out so that we were the only two remaining, save slaves.

Many times the cards do not make sense to me, for I am not wise to the background of those I read for. But the card of his future made perfect sense, The Physician, a card of balance, a path between opposites, but as it was reversed, the cards whispered of imbalance, and being why he was in Port Cos, marked, I was afraid of what the future held for him. There would be recklessness, confusion and weakening, which can be a fatal flaw in an assassin. But he did not seem unnerved.

I have found the library and for the last three days I have studied what it has to offer. Only one book has made note of the amulet, but the passage is vague, the reference obscure. So far as I understand it, the amulet is a vessel that holds the consciousness. How it works, or even if it still exists I have not been able to ascertain. But I still have a few more volumes to look through.

If I were a praying woman, I should start now.

Port Cos

The Ubar of Cups, the Ubara of Cups. Close to never does this emotional couple appear in the same reading. I didn’t understand the meaning, only able to relay what the cards wish, but all was made clear when Lucian began to explain. He’s going to be a father, Bonnie, the woman who as I understand it, is not really his sister, the mother of his child. This is the first time that I have read for him where the cards aligned themselves in his favor. I’m thinking he should probably quit while he’s ahead.

He’s happy, or at least he seems happy, sometimes it’s hard to tell with Lucian, always reserved with his feelings, but this I can understand. I do it all too often myself.

I told him if he comes across a book of baby names, to let me know. Of course he didn’t make the connection, and why should he? I am a woman whose contract ran out from the man she loved long ago. A man I can never truly companion, except in my heart. But that makes me no less his. It makes our children no less loved.

Tomorrow I have promised myself that I will explore the city, find the library and hopefully add another piece to my overwhelming puzzle. What I have found out so far is vague, more myth than fact. But what I appear to be searching for is some type of amulet, probably no larger then the inside circumference of my palm. I’ve yet to find a description of what it looks like, or the last place in which it rests. Tick tock, tick tock..