A River to No Where

I’ve never been fond of water travel. Even though I grew up near the sea, ships and boats were never my passion. Traveling on them has always made my skin crawl and my stomach churn.

This trip would see a continuation of that trend. As much as I would have loved to have been top deck, it wasn’t an option, so instead, I contented myself with the small circle window which provided just enough breeze to keep me from the sickness that I knew was close.

We were only a day out from the Vosk when the storm hit us, a ferocious funnel of dark water so large that its height ascended beyond my line of vision and disappeared into the heavens above. I was awestruck as it danced and shimmered towards us, ripping the current that lay in its wake in the most amazing and dazzling display of power and control that I have ever seen. Thunder boomed and lightening pulsed, electrifying the night sky in furied flashes, where glimpses of the destruction were revealed. Screams rent the air, little time to react, Boards crackling and splintering, the spout sawing the ship in two. A weeping rush of cold collected me and sucked me down into the depths of black oblivion, the air pushed out of my lungs with the impact. As cold as I was, my lungs were burning, afire with that which had been replaced.. water for air.

As I plunged further into a chasm of murky deliverance, the sea rolling and roiling around me.. a card floated upwards, and even as I reached out to claim it, I already knew what it was.

The City of Dust.

Cold Carvan

My ever moving prison has been following the winding path of the Vosk River for the last day or so. Twice now, I have overheard two of the men arguing on what to do with me. One wishes to sell me at the next city he passes, insisting that I am ill luck. Apparently he has had a few ‘accidents’ along the way and the other girls he’s sold have not quite brought in the price he had hoped for, though the second man is holding firmly to the contract that had been verbalized between him and Zarah.

My days are kept mostly to myself, little contact with the other girls sought or offered. They shun me and my circle of shame is all the clearer. Even they can see, or perhaps they feel that I am different. I can tell they are terrified of me and the arcane ability of my cards. But I do not use that against them.

I dreamt of Kain last night, locked safely away in wrap of warm arms, a hail of soft kisses ushered down and over my cheeks and over my mouth. But the dream ended all too soon and when I awakened from my nocturnal illusion, I found that the kisses had been replaced with tears. This day I shall do something I have only down thrice in my life. I shall consult the cards.

I pray that good fortune will be mine.

A Winter’s Wrath

Cold. I think I have never been as cold as I have been these past several hands. It is not only the weather that chills me to the bone, but something more. There are others, like me, huddled in a corner of this wagon, sharing what warmth they have. Or not so much like me. I am different, for no collar has yet been thrust around my throat. I am a captive, not yet a slave and even though my freedom is elusive, I still hold hope that such shall come.

We’ve made many stops along the way of a journey which for me, seems to have no end. Girls are bought and replaced with new, though I am never set out for auction. It is as if they can sense something different about me, as if I somehow frighten them, even before my ability is known. That and the fact that I did whisper small curses when first I was caught. Had I thought of that sooner, Charm might not have been taken away from me.

I think of my daughter constantly and I wonder if I will ever see her again. What new and wonderful things has she done since we’ve been separated? Too many, I’m sure, but who do I have to blame save myself?

No one.

The winter wind rips through the cracks of this covered wagon, and though I have been allowed to keep a single robe and my cloak, the items are quickly wearing thin from everyday use. Soon I shall have nothing but threads to protect me from the elements, the leers, and the groping hands that occasionally find a way through a rotten board.

I do not speak to either guards or slaves, silence the only thing that I am yet able to control, but I’m sure even that shall be taken from me soon, for I have heard the men talk. Soon I will be a vulgar attraction of destiny. Once again, I shall read for a copper, only this time, it is coin I can not keep.

I am cold and for the first time in my life, very afraid.

The Naked Truth

“Zarah sends her regards. She thought this a much more suitable punishment then putting an ost in your couch.” The last words I would hear before my nightmare began.

I had not left quick enough and soon I found that I was not the only one mulling over my future.

Within the security of my rented room I awoke at the sound of Charm’s cry, only to have a cloth doused with slave scent thrust over my mouth and nose. Darkness enfolded upon me quickly and the words I last heard had betrayed my hope of never being found.

Days have passed; I’m not quite sure how many, having lost count, so much of the last hand a blur. Though no collar has yet been thrust about my neck, I have no doubts of the direction my life is being driven in. I lay awake at night, wondering if my daughter misses me. Does she cry for me, or has she forgotten me by now. Does Gabriel wonder why I did not return with her? Or is he happy to be rid of his brother’s companion who he almost seduced. Does he even have an inkling of what his dear Zarah has done.. Or did he approve this tragedy.

How long do I have before the banded chain around my ankle mimics that which will soon embrace my throat?

An ost would have been more merciful. But then, mercy had never been Zarah's plan.

Decisions

The fair is over, but still I linger on, lost in a haze of uncertainty, not quite sure where I should go next. Though the majority of the fair goers have returned to their cities, a few have stayed behind, for whatever reasons. I have thought of returning to AR, but I am afraid of what awaits me there. For that matter, I am afraid of what awaits me here, for I have seen two men watching me, following me. So long as I stay, I feel safe, but now that the fair is over, I’m not so sure.

I think that if I return to AR, Charm will be taken from me, as Gabriel threatened, and yet I know I cannot run forever. I had thought of returning to Schendi, but that would probably be the first place they would look.

I had better decide soon.

Port Kar Camp

Reading after reading was divined and by the end of the day, I had collected several silvers to fill my pouch. Too, I have been invited to visit, something that I may take them up on.

I was even able to buy Charm a wonderful little rocking kaiila, which now, I can’t keep her off of. She misses Kain, often calling out daddy when she is asleep, and looking around for him when she is awake.

I miss him too.

An Unlikely Ally

“I know what it’s like to be without your flesh and blood. Despite the laws that give father’s precedence in such matters, no child should be without their mother.”

They come in all forms, but the form I did not expect it to take was Zarah. She helped me to escape Ar, even booking our passage. Perhaps it was the fact that she didn’t want to see a child lose her mother, or perhaps she just wanted me as far away from her companion as she could send me. Regardless, I am grateful to the woman, even if I do realize the price to be paid later might be more than I’m willing to pay.

An Unwanted Confinement

I had been in my room for days, trying to keep out of the path of Zarah. Why she doesn’t like me is a mystery, one I’m sure will never be solved.

I left Charm with the nanny, deciding it was time I paid Gabriel a visit. He wasn’t hard to find, fresh from the operating room. I could tell by the blood.

He didn’t even bother to look at me when I entered. I wasn't getting a warm reception anywhere in his house.

"Have you heard from Kain? Or anything about him?"

"No Astraea." His demeanor was cold, so much like Kain. "You will be the first to know the moment I do."

"I was thinking that maybe Charm and I would attend the upcoming Sardar Faire. Just to get us out of Ar for awhile. We'd be safe there." No answer, he was ignoring me. "I don't know what else to do, and I can't stay here forever."

"You're staying here Astraea.. Kain wouldn't be happy to know you're running.. again. But if you wish to go I can not stop you, though the child stays here."

How could he even think that I would leave my daughter? And then I realized he knew I wouldn’t leave her. She had become a game piece atop a chaotic board of kaissa.

"And why do you think my child would be safer in a city run by a mad man, then pasangs away, where we wouldn't be found?"

"Are you under the impression that this is up for debate? My brother asked me to watch over you and his child. You are not going any where.. I don't have to rationalize what I say to you. Legally you are my ward, and I will slap a collar on your throat until your companion returns.. if you cross me."

So I tried another approach. "Then why don't we all go to the faire? I'm sure your son's would enjoy it, as well as your companion. We would all be safe and I wouldn't be out of your sight. Please. I.. need to go. I need to get out of Ar for a few hands."

"You're pushing your luck. I've already told you, you can do what you want.. the child goes no where."

"But you know I won't leave her. So does Kain. She's my daughter and she needs me." I took a deep breath. I was not so stupid as to see that round one had been lost. "Fine. Thank you for your time."

I returned to my room, to find my daughter gone, which set no amount of small panic surging through me. So again I returned to Gabe. "Can you tell me where my daughter was taken? She's not in her room."

"Zarah probably took her out with boys for a treat."

"So your companion has permission to leave this House with my child, but I do not?" I was visibly upset and my fingers were curling inward towards my palms in response.

"Yes, she does. My companion is the Mistress of this house and will do as she pleases. You are my brother's companion who I was charged with making sure not die. And If I were you, I'd uncurl my fist as that is in fact a threat and I won't hesitate from spanking your ass until I break every bone in my hand."

"How is my daughter any safer with your woman, then with me? She doesn't even want me here. I've seen the way she glares at me. How do I know she won't hand my daughter over to the first person that asks?" My fingers did loosen, though not completely. "This isn't what Kain would have wanted and you know it."

"Do I seem like I care about what she thinks of you.. or what you think of her.. or even more importantly what you think of this situation."

I took a deep breath and then turned around, stepping out into the fresh air and sunshine. None of this was turning out as I thought it should.

I am trapped.

Double Trouble

I did not realized how much they looked alike. Especially in the dark.

Kain had come home, late, but he hadn’t come directly to our couch. Instead, he had sat in the adjoining room. Little did I know it wasn’t my Kain.

He said all the right things, words interspersed with the perfect measure of annoyance. I kissed his cheek in greeting, but that, according to Kain, was not the proper greeting he required.

It wasn’t long before I was undressed and we were in the bath, talking not exactly on his mind. Something was different, but I thought it was just his melancholy mood. I should have stuck to my instincts.

" I am trapped Astraea.. and there's nothing I can do about it. They've found Gabe and they're going to kill him. If I help my brother.. I will be caught.. and if I don't he'll die. I don't know.. I don't know what to do Astraea...if I save Gabe I put you and Charm at risk...and I most certainly will be assassinated. If Gabe dies, the resistance falls, his children are fatherless... his companion a widow. I want you to leave in the morning take Charm and go to my brother's house. I want you to tell him what I've told you. He'll protect you."

I didn’t understand how it was safer there than here, but he was right, I did have to warn Gabe. The fact that I would be living under the same roof with Zarah wasn’t so appealing either. I told him as much.

I thought he was going to slap me, but instead he only screamed at me. "DON'T QUESTION ME! DO AS I FUCKING SAY!"

He went silent for a moment, but when he spoke again, it made my blood go cold. "If he finds you... he'll gut Charm. He'll open her up and toss her to the sleens. And in your fit of mourning..

He and all his cabinet will take turns beating and raping you until you go insane. They'll make me watch and when they are done with you. Then they might kill me ...slowly."

Surprisingly, I was quite composed on the outside, but inside I was terrified. I had to get my daughter out of Ar, despite what he was telling me to do. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to question you."

I knew no one could truly protect us.

"I'm sorry too .. My brother will take care of you. Gabe's a good man."

He took me in his arms and kissed me, and he held me as if he would never see me again.

"Why... why do you love me Astraea?"

"Why? Because you accept me the way I am. You don't try to turn me into anything other then the woman I was destined to become."

"You better make this one unforgettable night." For it would be our last. I didn’t need the cards to tell me that.

"Oh it will be."

Had I only known.

My hands had begun to roam over his shoulders, his stomach, kisses coursed across his chin and mouth.

"Take a good look Astraea..." He shoved me away. "I am not Kain." He turned and walked away from me.

"Gabe? Then where is .. my companion?" Kain was the only worry on my mind, not the fact that his brother had purposely deceived me.

"He's trying to figure out what to do with the mockery he has made of his post. Everything I told you about him and Phelps and me.. It's true."

As shock set in, my second question was asked. "Why would you do.. this." Realizing I was still naked, I found I did not have enough hands to try and cover myself. At this point, Gabriel handed me a towel.

"I don't know. I wanted to see what the big turn on was. Sleeping with your brother's companion.. fooling someone else, Kain seems to like it so. "

"I see. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. You best leave before Kain gets home."

"Kain isn't coming home.. When you are less angry come see me. I have something for you from him."

As hurt and angry as I was at his deception, I couldn’t let him leave without knowing what he had for me. "I'm less angry. What do you have for me? Why isn't he coming home?"

"Because Phelps is going to try and kill me, I am not the only one pretending to my own brother. I don't know where he is or how to stop him.. so don't bother asking. He gave me a letter for you." He handed me the letter and for a moment, I was too afraid to read it. But I did.

‘My dearest love, I've done a lot of bad things in my life.. and I have the chance to protect my family. Go to Gabe.. and wait.. I will find you and Charm if I live.

Love K’

I folded the letter up and clutched it to my breast. "I'll need some time to get Charm dressed and ready.. and to pack. I assume we won't be telling your.. companion about your state of undress... here."

"I'll tell her. Zarah will be angry.. but I fooled you not the other way around."

"Yes, I suppose you did. It seems.. quite heartless, considering your brother is being held to protect.. all of us."

My life was about to become significantly.. less pleasant.

Dismantled Meet

It is my habit to go out each day and at least try to do a reading for someone. It’s not often I take Charm with me, but today I was glad I did.

I found him in one of the parks, a man with his son, a boy not much older than my precious Charm.

He was a non believer, as many are, but he was curious, and I was more than willing to sate that curiosity.

While Constantijn and Charm busied themselves with introductions, I set out the cards, allowing him to choose what would be read.

Taluna, The Eight of Swords, The Impaled Man.

Words of wisdom and warnings were offered, but I could see the doubt in his eyes.

But none the less he was a good sport, even offering me payment due with slight of hand.

Not to mention Charm had made her first friend. Yes, all in all I would say it was a splendid day.

I hope to read for Valentijn again.