My Secret

I have a secret, one that I try to guard well. One that is bound in the essence of overwhelming emotion.

I never thought to fall in love again, to test the fabric of feelings I’ve tried so hard to keep at a distance. I’ve asked myself countless times what it is I hope to gain by allowing my guard to fall, but the answer is simple.

Everything.

We talked. Or rather, he talked, and I tried to skirt around the subject, not really giving him the answer to the question he was asking on a subject that I had started hands past. My first instinct was.. to lie, something I would have been caught at immediately, because I’ve never really liked diving into my own well of emotional refuse. I don’t suppose it takes a genius to realize what I hadn’t said could be read between the lines, so I wasn’t really lying, just avoiding. I’m very good at avoiding. I did, however, tell him that I do not stay because of contract or collar that I stay because I want to be here. Although I would never ask him, I think if I did, he might companion me. And that small knowledge in itself is worth a thousand legal words written on rence.

I have destroyed a life for love in my past and he has not judged me. He knows my most painful, my darkest secret and he has shown me neither pity, nor contempt. He is my best friend, my lover and one day soon, the father of our child, and though he may never have feelings for me in the way of agonizing love, I know he cares for me, and so long as it is in my power, I will never leave him.

Yes, my secret.