The Price of Attachment

How could I have allowed it to happen. I am a fool and I wrestle with my foolishness every waking ahn. Without him there is a hole in my heart, a wound enclaved with raw ragged edges that refuse to mend, a gaping chasm that bleeds into an endless dark void of emptiness. I have known for sometime that I have been falling for a man who does not return my feelings and that I run the risk of losing everything that is dear to me. And yet, I cannot resist.

Once, I thought I could easily turn off the intensity of my heart, and for a time, a long time, I was able to do just that. I try to keep my distance, both physically and emotionally, and to some extent, the wall remains. But the wall is cracking quickly and I am running out of excuses to use as mortar.

If he knew the truth, if he knew my attachment had become something more, would he break our verbal agreement of parentage? Would he be wounded or worried that I had taken the questionable step of falling in love with him? These are the things I torture myself with, knowing there is no right answer.

And yet, I know my answer is just a few words away, should I say them.