Sunday, September 16, 2007

The Invisible Virgin

He’s not coming back.

My future teeters precariously, balanced on little more than hope and the whispers of cards. They say he is gone, that he will not be returning, that this was how the string of life had mapped it, that it was never meant to be, that it was not the lesson I was to learn.

Most of the slaves have gone, with the sisters I assume and though Jaspin has remained for the time being, he too will be closing up the house and moving on. I’m not sure where this leaves me. Alone? Unowned? I still bear the collar of Silas, though the ruby colored stone that dangles beneath has darkened to an unattractive black.

I have searched for papers of manumission, or a bill of sale, but as of yet, I have found nothing. Most likely I shall not, for who bothers to will a slave? So what am I now to do? I could continue to hide in this house, as I have been doing for the past several months, but soon the food would run out and I would be forced to find me way regardless. I have the coppers that I have saved, none spent and could acquire more through the reading of cards, enough to eke out a comfortable, though not a resplendent existence.

I am saddened that he is gone, this man I have loved and lost, but if this was not my destiny, then I am not completely without further expectancy

Monday, September 3, 2007

Life Continues

Eight months since I’ve seen him.

The en’var of his ownership over me has come and gone, without a word. Not that a man such as he owes me, but I wonder as to his fate. Is he alive? Does he think about me? Does he miss me, even a little?

The cards have been unusually quiet, as if they are brooding a loss of their own, or perhaps this is just transference of my own feelings into the deck I so cherish. They want to tell me something about myself, but I don’t want to listen. I don’t want to know.

I’ve barely left the house at all the last several hands, or for that matter, his room. I sit on the balcony watching the road below, Glee occasionally coming to check on me, but even she cannot replace the gloomy abandonment with cheer.

I miss him.