Gods and Mortals

"Burn it to the ground."

I had been avoiding the fact that I needed to go and see him. While a part of me wanted nothing more then to see him and introduce him to his child, another part of me was just as terrified to do so.

I should have known better.

I saw him coming down the street with his entourage, thinking it was now or never. I called out to him, as he passed me. I should have let him go.

All the men had stopped when I called out his name and suddenly I was at a loss for words. Small talk. After all we had been through, I could think of nothing to say.. but small talk.

"Something I can help you with Astraea? I haven't really any cause to stand in the street and jaw with you."

"No, I don't suppose there is. I'm sorry to have bothered you." I wanted to tell him then and there about his daughter, but with the eyes of the other men upon me, I knew I could not. So I simply turned and left, as he did. But I watched where he went. Gathering Charm, I foolishly followed. It seemed nothing would deter me from my path.

I should have debated this further before acting upon it.

My prodigy was wrapped in her favorite pink blanket, I following him to the café he settled into. I took a seat at the table across from his, turning Charm to face him. He’d know. I was sure of it.

I wasn’t sure he got the hint at all by the time he had risen and passed me, thinking it had all been a grand waste of time.

I sat there in the café for some time, trying to figure out what more I could have done to make it all right, but the answer was nothing. I was even, to a point, relieved that he did not want us. It would make life easier for Charm and me.

I bundled my daughter up again and walked back to my shop. The door was kicked in and Castor was waiting for me, none too happy.

"What was the point of this?"

Had I not been obvious?

"I expect an answer to my question."

"I thought you would like to see your daughter. I was trying to be.. discreet."

"You were about as discreet as a troupe of Kajirae set a blaze in the square." He paused. The calm before the storm. "You're rather foolish for coming back here. You're a run a way slave, who stole my child. You've told people I was dead and harbored my child and her criminal brother. So Again I ask you what is the point of all this?"

Slave? I was stunned at his words. Stung by the waspish way they were spit at me. "But.. you released me! And what would you have me say? That she is the bastard of one of the Initiates killers? I only wanted to protect her. I didn't know what else to do. I haven't seen you since the night she was conceived. As for Aiden, I would have thought you would want me to try and help him. He is your son, after all." In all this my voice had never risen, still trying to keep the conversation as quiet as I could.

"No..no I didn't. I did not return for you, that's far from releasing you. I am sure you're more than aware of that. I would have you here.. to say nothing. As you should have been all along. And if I were you I'd stop wasting the few words I had left on telling me things I already know. Aiden is my heir and you my possession. Had you known me at all as well as you thought you did you'd know that I would never have wanted Aiden anywhere around you or THE infant. So again, and for the last time.. I ask you what the point of all this was? What it appears to me is that you have brought the babe here because you've run out of options. Perhaps had hoped for some happy

reunion?"

"I already told you the point. I wanted you to see her. No more, no less. I want nothing from you, nor did I hope for any happy reunion. I make good coin with my readings. I'm even going to be the entertainment for the grand opening of a Scribe School. I just thought you might like to hold her, at least once. Had I known you did not wish it, I would not have.. pursued it."

"I wonder... How you're going to do that, while you're imprisoned." He pulled a startled Charm away from me, his men swarming over me. My stomach felt as if it was hitting the floor and an icy claw closed over my heart. Charm cried out what I could not and I released her quickly so that she wouldn’t be further distressed. "Please, you can't take her away from me. Please." Quiet desperation, it was all I had left.

"And why not? You took her away from me...it's only fair.." He turned and walked away, his next words pulling another startled gasp from me. "Burn it to the ground."

What happened next was a blur. I was taken in another direction, away from my child. I had forgotten what a cold callus prick he could be. A mistake I was now paying dearly for. I was stripped and thrown into a basement, one so dark and foreboding I could not see further then my hand. How long I lingered in my dark and dusty prison I do not know, but to me, it was an eternity.

"Miserable little thing aren't you?" He had come. I wasn’t sure he would. "Before you start by pissing me off, No I will not release you, you are in no condition to make any demands, no one will come for you as they do not know where you are, yes your shop was burnt down, and no you can not see your daughter, but yes she is fine. I think we should take this opportunity to have a little talk, hm?"

The ground rules were set.

"Yes." Compliancy seemed the bane of my existence.

"The child is mine, if you take her out of this city again...I will make her watch as I peel every hort of skin from your body. You will come to me on the second night of the hand alone. On the fourth night of the hand you will bring my daughter to see me. You are still very much my slave. If you lay with another man I will enslave him and send him to the pits. Are we clear?"

"Yes." Suddenly Ar wasn't looking as promising as it had a hand ago. I faded further back into the corner, if such were possible, the makeshift blanket, one I had found in my quick exploration of the basement, was pulled tighter against me. "I understand."

"Come here."

There was only a moment’s hesitation in my movement, brought on by the cold stiffness in my body, but soon I stood before him, hopeful that he was not going to kill me. Kain is a man that likes games and I never know what to expect.

He pulled me down to the steps to sit with him. "You do not miss me?"

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to scream. I wanted to pummel his chest until my fists broke bone and flesh, to find the heart that I knew must lay there beneath. I wanted him to kiss me, or kill me.

I had missed him, despite the fact that I currently hated him. He pulled me from the steps, I still with my urt eaten rence covering, and through what was obviously the main room of an inn, to his room. I kept my head low, strands of red hopefully covering my face. "Are you hungry?"

"No.But I'm sure Charm is. It's been awhile since I.. fed her." I was so full of milk I thought I would burst. "I would appreciate a bath though. A hot one."

"She has eaten, I have seen to a wet nurse for her while you are not with her. You will be with me the second night of the hand and she will be with me the fourth, two nights you will not be able to feed her."

I hated the thought of another feeding my child. Taking my place. My expression always gives me away, and so did it this time. He wanted to know what was the matter. I had no choice but to tell him.

"You took my child and you burned down my shop. I have no clothing and my daughter has what she is wearing. Can I ask where my cards are?"

"Well I would assume if I were you, they to be in the ashes... but as its going to be really hard to keep from you the fact that your shop is fine when I send you back there in a few hands. I would assume where ever you left them in the shop."

Relief. Charm and my home was fine. "No, there were on me when you had my.. clothing removed. Please, would you inquire as to their whereabouts and get them back to me." The connection of cards and myself could be very uncomfortable if they were displaced for any length of time.

"Ah..then, you will find them in the other room on the sleeping couch."

I bathed and he joined me. I’m sure he could tell I was nervous but it was a nervousness that quickly gave way to surrender.

"I do not wish to be a slave Kain, for that would mean my daughter is a slave as well. Though someday, she may be by way of cards, I wish to not rush that fate. Is that what you want for your child?" I was pushing the envelope. "Free me."

"You should have thought of that before you submitted to me.. You belong to me and I haven't the mind to ...Free you." He grabbed me around the throat, lifting me out of the water and pressing me against the wall. It was then that he took me, still angry, harshness showing in his every movement. He wanted me to pay for what I had done. He wanted me to suffer, both body and mind.

My hands wrapped around his, trying to pry his fingers from my throat, gurgling at the same time he pushed into my body. My eyes were fixed on the man who took me without offering, then closed, the clawing of my hands stopped, then dropping to my sides, palms pushing against the wall behind me. I had resigned myself to what was to be. As a slave I couldn't be raped, both of us well aware of such a fact.

"I won't ever let you again.." I suppose in some odd form, that was his way of saying he loved me.

He had known about Charm since I started showing. He had kept tabs on me, knowing when I left for Schendi. Even knowing where I was staying once there. He had not forgotten or abandoned me. He had merely kept his distance.

"Is this our happy reunion?"

"I would say that being between your thighs was a pretty happy reunion for me."

Death comes in many forms, be it by the svelte easy line of a sharp blade, or the cold calculation of a broken heart.

I did miss him. More than he will ever know.

Black on Black

The caste of black exudes an aura even when the colors are hidden beneath the toil of winter cloak. I have never been afraid of this questionable caste, I think, because I am not afraid to die. We live in violent times, where words must be guarded and actions must be as unobtrusive as the very air we breathe. There are nights I lay in my sleeping couch, wondering where the golden thread of my life will end, or how it will come about. Depressing thoughts, but it is these thoughts that allow me to treasure the here and now. To allow me to live my life to the fullest. Everyone should be so lucky.

The eve was late, a trio of moons hung high in the cold glitterati of night’s sky. The street was nearly empty, save me and another dark soul who was moving towards me. He was a man I had seen before and he recognized me as well. Though no names had been exchanged, faces are not soon forgotten.

Conversation came about, first the topic of my shop. It seemed to me that it was missing something. Then our talk turned to the cards. "Do you wish to know what the future holds? Do you see through a veil of blood Sir? Is your future .. clear?"

“You have read me. No one’s future is clear, Lady. You, above all, know this.”

"But you see, it is clear. The moment it is read, it is the clearest thing in the world. Of course, what you do after that point does effect whether or not the vision holds. We are all keepers of our own destiny, but that destiny is written, perhaps not in stone, but written indeed. Would you like the cards to tell a tale for you?"

“ I would.”

I had known he would since the ehn I had seen him walking down the street.

I read by the glow of streetlamps, and he was ever a rapt customer. The Slave Card. The Sardar. The Star. All cards of the major Arcana, which in itself is a rare thing.

He left me with a silver, even as I left him with words of advice. A fair exchange, if ever an exchange was made.

As Lost as Me

Ar has changed. Or perhaps its me who has changed.

I once found it such a city of excitement; I found joy in walking her streets. Every corner was a new world to be explored, to be touched, to be tasted. Now I find hesitation in the smallest things. I’m pained by worry.

But I am not the only one.

She looked to be a woman as lost as me, even though I think she would never admit to such a thing. If anyone had ever needed a divination of the future, it was she.

The Seven of Coins, reversed. A reflection and evaluation of the past. Failure. A woman pondering alternatives and questioning choices, a card that might have been for me as well. I knew the whispers to be correct when she paled. At first I thought she might run, to get as far away from me and my unordained harbingers as she possibly could, but her inner strength was revealed, or perhaps what I was seeing was pure stubbornness. Either way, she bid me to continue.

The Five of Wands. Fairness would not be hers.

The card of the Initiate, a card of education, belief systems, conformity and tradition. A woman who pursues knowledge and increases understanding. One who has identified a new world view, who is finding it increasingly harder to fit in. Spiritual practice, belief and worship. A card that had never been revealed to me in a reading before.

“You have not seen me. You do not know me.”

"I can be found there. My shop. It's called Fate's Fortune. If there is anything else you need, find me."

A silver was placed upon the face of the initiate, more coin then I could have made in an entire month. I thought she was about to leave, but then I heard her speak again.

“Do we weave the threads of our past to clothe our future? Have the Kings decided warp and whoof, texture and tone? Who decides our steps?”

"A wise question to ask, and one that is asked often. The cards are but a tool, and as they stand today, they might well fall tomorrow. Our destiny changed daily, contingent on the choices we make in the moment. You life is your own, as is your future. Tomorrow could find great difference then what the cards have wrought forth today. Nothing is written in stone. Change is ever constant and often volatile. You are not a believer, but it shall be."

She had left an impression on me, as I may have upon her. Perhaps I will find my lost Ar after all.

A Journey of Fate

As much as I would like to blame Lucien for my return to Ar because of the offered job, I find I must return for reasons of my own. I cannot hide from Kain forever and certain things need to be resolved between us. I think it is he who is calling me.. home. I can only pray he understands why I did what I did. I hope that he can see the reason in my actions. A sane woman would run fast and far from the City I am about to go home too.

Sanity. Something I have never been accused of having.

The Five of Swords

He was the last person I would have expected to see in Schendi, the man of few words and even fewer expressions, but see him I did. It would seem everyone, sooner or later, has business here.

I found him at the inn, a break taken between packing Charm and my things, and trying to keep my daughter entertained. Neither or which affords me an easy task.

Set in a room of strange snippets of conversation, he reminded me that the card he had given me had tonight’s date on it. Could I really have forgotten that? Or was he.. misrepresenting the truth to get his way. I would not know immediately, the card already packed away amongst my things. Not that it mattered in the slightest, for I never turn down a reading. I can not, for the cards are too eager.

We left the inn, the three of us, I having not had time to procure someone to watch over Charm. I do not take her to readings with me, for obvious reasons, but tonight she would join us on the path to .. enlightenment.

We seated ourselves in the sand, and to my surprise, he offered to hold my daughter.. to free my hands. Not that I really needed my hands free after the initial shuffling, but he seemed to think that he would be helping, only I believe he was helping himself more then he was me.

I hesitated, but in the end, logic won out. Despite the fact that I am a seer of worlds that are invisible to others, I tend to be a rational person. Odd, that.

Charm took to him immediately and I am not certain how that makes me feel. With Quinn, it was different. He seemed to know what my child wanted, but this man, he was completely without clues, stumbling on how to even hold her. Lucky for the both of us, Charm is a good child and she would break him in quickly.

The cards were laid out by his hand, a pattern of reading concluded. The Five of Swords had come up again, the card of defeat, the card was following him.

The Six of Swords, the card of travel, of recovery.. depression. Though he had picked up the pieces of his life and was moving on, the place he was moving towards was not a positive one.

He wanted to know how long it would last, but that of course, was up to him.

Charm seemed quite content, having found a new toy in the locks of Lucian. She is not like me in the respect that she knows no strangers. I’m not sure if this is a baby thing, if all children possess it, or if she will grow out of it as she ages.

His look to me was accusatory, he perhaps thinking that I, in some malignant way, had an actual hand in his fate. A normal reaction for those that don’t understand. I was not offended. I understood more of how he was feeling then he did. It is human nature to want to place blame. Who better to blame then the bizarre woman who can see and hear what no one else can.

The Four of Coins. The card of possessiveness and control. The cards do not lie, but neither do they tell all. Information comes in sporadic whispers and flashing images. There are times I do not comprehend their meanings, am nothing more than a simple tool to relate messages. But this time the cards were clear in their explanations. Perhaps they sought to warn him. Or me.

“Now yours.”

Little did he realize I could not refuse his request, even if I had wanted to. A reading may never be turned down. I have no say on who I read for. The cards often choose, but to deny them could be .. disastrous. There curse, is my curse.

Shuffled and cut, my deck was set in front of me. I did not deem to look at the cards, even as I turned them over. I already knew what they would say. The spoke to me loudly, mocking me, taunting me, all the while knowing I must share their whispers.

The Ubara of Coins is a mothering card. A card of perception. A card of trust. A card of benevolent and submissive tendencies.

The Warrior of Wands. A somewhat unbalanced personality. A solitary card. Being devoured by past fears. My insides were quivering, too much being revealed too quickly.

Charm became antsy and I offered to take her, but he refused. He pulled the pink blanket over her head, to which she responded by pulling it off and trying to cover his face. Her first game of peek a boo, taught by a man who hadn’t even realized he’d done so.

As much as I would have liked to bury the remaining card in the sand, such was not to be. The Seven of Wands, reversed as was the Warrior. Passiveness. A card of waiting, of holding back, of letting go. "This card is about taking a stand, but in its twisted state, it decrees the exact opposite. I am a woman that hides in the light, one that loses her nerve easily, one that is often afraid to take action, one who bows down to the others, always looking for ways to compromise. Many disapprove of me, and I often feel as if I am in great physical harm. My life is laced with doubt and confusion. Obstacles."

The closed book of my past was now flayed open for him to see, and though secrets still hid within the pages of my life, the words were written in a strong hand, easily read. In the few ahns that we had spent together, he knew me almost as well as Kain, even if he didn’t understand me.

I think he actually tried to console me, brief as it was. Something I was sure he wasn’t used to.

“Approval is highly over rated, but I suppose some do need it.”

"I do not seek approval. I am what I am, though few understand me. I do not hide behind a tea cup or set myself above others and I do not gossip, but neither do I wish to be the topic of unkind conversation."

Again, more than I wished to say, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. The words were pushed past my lips before I could control them. This would be a sign of things to come.

“And she will be the same, or no?”

He was talking of Charm, who even now, wiggled to release herself from his hold.

Yes. I answered him that and more. On her nineteenth turning she would, like her mother, be enslaved. I hadn’t meant to tell him so much about her, about me.

By the end of the evening, I had agreed to work for him, spending one week in AR, for the grand opening of his new school, all expenses paid.

As brief as my stay in AR might be, I am going.. home.

Poetic License

I am not only a reader of people and cards, but of poems as well. How I love to lose myself in the words of those whose emotions speak more so then the written word itself.

I have one book in particular that is my favorite, its binding broken, its pages long worn, the words faded, many places memorized rather than read. It is this book that transports me to a place that I may visit, but never live.

I always reach for this book in particular when I am feeling cut off from the feelings of life. It happens often, never allowing anyone to get too close before I start backing away. Protection, I tell myself, much needed in my shadowed reality where no one else dares to tread.

And such was true today. With Charm napping, a nanny looking after her, I decided to explore my world of worded rence once more. My book and I had found ourselves at the springs, an area devoid of all but one. The man I had read for the day before, one I wasn’t certain needed the interaction of a certain seer.

He always seems to be engrossed in his notepad, this now left on his leg for me to see, though I tried not to look out of politeness, in case the data was of a personal nature. Personal or not, he held it so that I could see a networking of.. what appeared to be, to me, a maze of some sort. It was crossed with measurements and various notes. Perhaps he was going to build .. something.

He seemed interested in the book I still held possessively to my breast, pointing towards it, which I took to mean he wanted to see. “Poems.” Conversation didn’t seem to be either of our stronger gifts.

I handed the book out to him, he took it and turned away from me, as if he didn’t want me to see his inspection of my worn tome.

Today we each learned something about the other with not more than a single word exchanged. Many would find that odd. I however, find it .. strangely comforting.

A Promised Reading

I had met him sometime back, an introduction not of names, but faces. He seemed interested in my cards and I had promised him a reading when next we met. I always keep my promises.

I approached him, with one thing on my mind, to read, fulfill my obligation and get back to my daughter. Leaving her is always something I find difficulty in and I try to not do it for any length of time, but I can hardly be expected to take her with me to.. work, as much as I might like to.

I find him a sobering man, a man who smiles as little as I do. A man with demons he keeps hidden, as do we all.

The cards were brought forth, he laying down a notepad so that my cards would not absorb any moisture from beneath. Never had this happened before, another being concerned with the protection of my artifacts. In a strange way, I was touched by the proaction of his offer.

Nine of Cups, The Kur and the Five of Swords. All in all, not the best reading he could have been granted, but neither was it the worst. He seemed to understand, even if I did not.

He paid me more than I had asked for, even handing me a card with his name and address on it, as well as a date. A date that I would assume he wished his next reading. I will, of course, oblige.

My Little Piece of Paradise-Tarotmora

It’s perfect for Charm and me, a quaint little house that reflects the sea. Two bedrooms, a kitchen a living area and a large porch. Too, it’s isolated away from the rest, but not so much that if I needed a neighbor, one couldn’t be found. It will also give me a place to do my readings in private, something I believe many people want, for the sake of discretion.

I can’t say that waking up to the water at my door isn’t subliminally appealing as well. In my heart, I will always be an island girl. I hope Charm feels the same. I want to give her safety and a childhood she will always remember with fondness, the problem is, trying to do both at once. I hope I'm up to the task.

Rainy Rentals

While I have found my own little piece of paradise to rent, but too, have I been helping Quinn find his. Something with indoor stairs, not housed far from the malay of the shopping district. A single room above for living purposes. I thought it should be easy enough to accommodate such a short list.

Our route was mapped, the first place we saw tucked between a cobbler and a perfumer. Two windows on top, with two large windows on the bottom, a building of that shared walls with either shop on the side.

Charm disproved with a constant barrage of nonono’s, with an occasional insertion of dadada’s. The building was put on the list of possibles before we moved on to the next.

Building two was larger and didn’t share walls, but there was a toy shop on the left side and a clothier to the right. I don’t think he fancied being stuck between a constant stream of women and children.

Number three was my favorite, a white stucco building tucked between a candy shop and a flower shop. It was picture perfect with a quaint cobble patio and a flat roof, which I was sure had access from the second floor. I could see Cam’s shop from where we stood, my dagger again coming to mind. This too, was put on his list for another look.

Our quest had ended just in time, darkness clouding over the skies above. I thought at first we would be able to make it back to the in unscathed, but that was not to be. Storms come quick in Schendi, as did this one, with bolts of flashing lightning and the pounding of thunder, neither of which Charm was taking a liking to. The three of us sought refuge beneath the awning of a store that had not yet opened for the day, trying to ride out the weather. Quinn had been carrying her, but she was passed to me to quiet, finding comfort only in her mother’s arms.

The storm ended as quickly as it had begun, the exciting event for the day now behind us. I’m sure he’s going to choose the first shop.

Designs on a Dagger

I do believe my daughter would rather be in the arms of Quinn, then me. Each time she sees him, I feel her escape is inevitable, the protective cage I’ve sought to sit her in evaporating. But who better for her to want then a man with a kind heart.

It seems that he, like me, longs for a place to settle in, but neither of us quite belong anywhere. And that is why I find myself so overjoyed to receive his company. I have come to look forward to our meetings, as has my darling daughter.

He is the first man I have really never felt intimidated by. I do not worry that he will discover my deepest , darkest secret. I do not worry that his wish of my friendship is for any other purpose then friendship itself. I do no worry that he will, in the end, hurt me, either physically or emotionally. Much can be said for friendship. Landra was the only other friend I have ever had. How I miss her.

I have also purchased a dagger from Cam’s shop, oddly enough a sister of Quinn. It’s beautifully crafted with emeralds. I bought in on impulse, I think do to the fact that I was never allowed to have one. This my way of revolting against my past.

Or perhaps embracing it.