As Lost as Me

Ar has changed. Or perhaps its me who has changed.

I once found it such a city of excitement; I found joy in walking her streets. Every corner was a new world to be explored, to be touched, to be tasted. Now I find hesitation in the smallest things. I’m pained by worry.

But I am not the only one.

She looked to be a woman as lost as me, even though I think she would never admit to such a thing. If anyone had ever needed a divination of the future, it was she.

The Seven of Coins, reversed. A reflection and evaluation of the past. Failure. A woman pondering alternatives and questioning choices, a card that might have been for me as well. I knew the whispers to be correct when she paled. At first I thought she might run, to get as far away from me and my unordained harbingers as she possibly could, but her inner strength was revealed, or perhaps what I was seeing was pure stubbornness. Either way, she bid me to continue.

The Five of Wands. Fairness would not be hers.

The card of the Initiate, a card of education, belief systems, conformity and tradition. A woman who pursues knowledge and increases understanding. One who has identified a new world view, who is finding it increasingly harder to fit in. Spiritual practice, belief and worship. A card that had never been revealed to me in a reading before.

“You have not seen me. You do not know me.”

"I can be found there. My shop. It's called Fate's Fortune. If there is anything else you need, find me."

A silver was placed upon the face of the initiate, more coin then I could have made in an entire month. I thought she was about to leave, but then I heard her speak again.

“Do we weave the threads of our past to clothe our future? Have the Kings decided warp and whoof, texture and tone? Who decides our steps?”

"A wise question to ask, and one that is asked often. The cards are but a tool, and as they stand today, they might well fall tomorrow. Our destiny changed daily, contingent on the choices we make in the moment. You life is your own, as is your future. Tomorrow could find great difference then what the cards have wrought forth today. Nothing is written in stone. Change is ever constant and often volatile. You are not a believer, but it shall be."

She had left an impression on me, as I may have upon her. Perhaps I will find my lost Ar after all.