Tahari

I have no coin, no provisions and no one help me. Aiden has been sulking like a child because I cannot love him. There has only ever been one man for me and it feels as if he is a million pasangs away. For all its worth, he might as well be.

I don’t know why he stays here, why he doesn’t just leave me to rot on the desert sands, but the answer comes as quickly as the question. Because he wants me to pay, over and over for my transgressions against him.

He calls me foolish, stupid and selfish, words that no longer hurt as they once did, for I have become immune to them. Or perhaps it is that I no longer care what he thinks of me.

The child that lives within me is restless and his time is nearing, while I am no closer to finding what it is I seek then I was eight and a half months ago.

I’m thirsty and my throat burns; my flesh is reddening, even though I am mostly covered beneath large robes. I don’t think he’ll really allow me to die, at least not yet, while I might still have some purpose.

I wish I would have been born a more deceitful woman.