The Unexpected

It’s a girl.

Not the one I carry within me, but the one I thought lost. Charm is home, surprisingly enough, at her father’s request.

She looked as if she’d just stepped from the sea, red curls riddled with braids; shells intertwined, and blue eyes, so like her fathers. When I went to hug her, she pulled away, stepping warily back to Cain’s side.

She doesn’t like chocolate.

She doesn’t remember me.

He’s also insisted that she wear black, the way of his people after a death. The death of our son. I suddenly felt the unadorned dark blue robes I was wearing not near somber enough and I turned away with a pang of guilt.

As if I had forgotten.

He knelt down and spoke to her, in the language of his homeland and soon enough she stepped in my direction, her face tearstained, unsure of my motives. “I love you.” He said.

But whether it was directed at me or Charm, I wasn’t sure.

She has nightmares often, awakening in the dark, her eyes transfixed in terror, her body frozen in fear. She has the curse, more so than me.

She’s seen what I’ve done.

I went to him to try and explain, things left unfinished between us, awkward emotions and inescapable regrets. He had tears in his eyes. He kissed me, so familiar. I backed away.

Our passion is poisonous.

He asked me if I loved the Scribe. He wouldn’t look at me. I could feel the pain. The loss. The mourning. I told him yes.

But I was not brave enough to tell him about the baby.

I have her until the first day of the cold season. I have till then to undo what I have done to her.

To undo what I have done to myself.