Castor is jealous, as he should be. No less then I would be in his situation. I fear this will be the thread that snaps between us, forever pulling us apart into our separate corners.
The other world into which I venture terrifies me, but not near as much as this world troubles me. Sometimes I wish the end would just come quickly so I can be done with it, but then I think of Charm and my unborn son and admonish myself for such thoughts.
Leaving him is by far one of the most hardest things I have ever done, not knowing if I would return, or if I will ever see my daughter again. I’ve tried to brainwash it into my head that I have no choice, but I know that is untrue. We always have a choice, even if the options aren’t what we would like them to be.
In the end, Castor relented, but I could see the pain on his face, pain in the knowledge that he cannot help me, that instead, the man he most despises should be the answer to my quest, though I’m not sure that is true.
The lessons with Gabriel leave me tired and drained, mentally, emotionally and physically. This otherworldly existence is taking its toll on me, and yet, I am not ready to let it go.
There is a terrifying flip side to this though, a three sided coin where heads are no more reasonable then tails. Aiden comes to me when I am at my weakest, taking control and clouding my thoughts with his voice, an eclipse of sanity that shuffles me into the darkness. A darkness that will swallow me and from which I will never return.
He threatens me with stealing Magnus, but in my heart, I know this is not idle threat. He preys upon my fears forcing my own unwanted reaction. He is driving me towards something, though I know not where I shall find my ending.
No comments:
Post a Comment