In Chains

Lost in the deliverance of despair, I had ushered Aiden out and locked the door. For the entire day I had stayed within the boundaries of my room, sending any away that dared knock. It wasn't that I really wanted to be alone, it was that I had to be. But when night had fallen and gray clouds weaved through skies of black, I had tip toed from beyond the gloomy chamber, and downward into the kitchen, hoping to snatch some fruit, or, if I was lucky, a bit of bosk and cheese from supper left overs. The bloody guise of guilt stained my hands, wrestling with the decision to tell Aiden everything, or simply let it be. I had lied to him enough, but what would be worse? The lie? Or the hurt that would follow?

I found him, Castor, in the common room, nursing a bowl of paga. He looked as depressed as I felt. Men scurried about, readying for departure. Castor was leaving me.

I watched him, a man lost in his thoughts, I was deciding.

"Oh please.. I heard you walk up." He turned to look at me. So much for the trial and error of trying to be covert. "What brings you by? We said our goodbyes last night did we not?"

He rose and moved towards me, my fingers coiling tighter around the base of the candle, several drippings of hot wax falling over the back of my hand as it tipped. "I.. " I was at a loss for words. "We did. I didn't mean to intrude. You're leaving?" Obvious question, but one I felt the need to ask. "I wish you would stay. You should get to know your son. He should be allowed to get to know his father." How I longed to taste his lips. "Please, won't you stay?"

"You could not more intrude than you could be silent. Yes of course I am, and you know I can not. Not if you and Aiden are to have a proper life together. I am not his father.. And if you tell him about me I'll kill him." Words said coldly before he stepped past me and moved up the stairs.

I was caught between the need to follow him and the want to let him be, again faced with a decision, but this one would be life changing. I followed him.

I opened his door with neither knock words, then closed the door quickly behind me. He was standing at the window looking out, momentarily ignoring me. I was glad, it gave me strength.

The clasps of my robe unhooked, the depressing dark fabric slipping from my shoulders, allowed to fall to the floor in an eerie pool. Naked, I moved behind him, but not close enough to touch. Downward I slid, into a kneel, my arms raised over my head, wrists crossed, the next few words barely a whisper, but said none the less. "I submit to you."

"You do not know what you are saying.. I have hurt you before for such foolish things." He wanted me, of that I had no doubt, but too, I could feel the warring within himself. Turn was made and he approached me, and I think he was surprised at what I had offered him, though his expression never changed. "What do you hope to gain by doing this?"

"Not to lose you. You said it yourself, I belong to you. What better way to prove it than to submit to you?"

He did not deny me. "You offer yourself? To me? Mind, soul, and ...Body? You can not submit yourself part way.. It is not done." He circled around me and I suddenly felt as if I was his prey. But had I not always been? "Do you not fear that I will do to you what I did to every slave in my house or worse? Do you think you are better to me than they? She-Sleen."

"I am yours, as I have always been. Mind, body and soul, to do with as you please. I shall deny you nothing. Ever." That much had not changed.

"What is your name slave?"

"I have no name."

He started to undress. "You will come to me always and great me this way... awaiting my taking. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master." How easily the words slid from my lips.

"And if I do not take you, you will beg for it.." He moved to lay his body over mine. "And if I still do not take you.. you will take it upon yourself to please me, understand?" He kissed my shoulder over and over again. "What are you?" He turned me over so I lay beneath him, staring at me, then giving me a box, within, a leather bracelet. " If I ever catch you without I will kill you. Close your eyes."

"I am your slave."

"You are willing to give your gift to me,? To be nothing more than a common slave? You are willing to give up Aiden for good.. to go to him tonight and tell him that you submitted to another man?"

"I will go to Aiden tonight, if that is what you wish, you have but to command me and I will obey. I love you."

"You are my slave, no one else need know. You will spend your days as Astraea Sarce, and your nights as mine.. you come to me when Aiden sleeps.. after you have made love to him."

"You please me tonight.. and in the morn, you will rouse Aiden and you will make love to him. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand." So it seemed he would allow me to keep them both, for now.

"You know the boy will ask you to be his woman? He will want you to be his woman before he takes you."

"And what do you want me do tell him."

"What do you wish to say to him ... if I was not here what would your answer be? Do you love him?"

Had I never met Castor, I would have, not doubt, found happiness with .. his son. I would have been Aiden’s without hesitation. But life is never as simple as we would like it to be. I did love him, but not more than I loved the man who now held me. Yes, I wanted him, but he was just a boy. Sweet and innocent, but he lacked the experience of hisfather.

"I do love him. I do want him. As much as I love and want you. I need you both."

"Yes you let your companion open you ... and then you come to me. I love you slave. You are mine for all time. I will be the master you need and he will be the companion you desire.. Can you live this duality?"

I had no choice.

"You will stay with me tonight."

The plot had thickened, I now the willing pawn in a play of his design. I would have both father and son. One would know, the other would not.

I should have been more careful for what I asked for.