"I'm going to take a bath. I .. smell like you,?"Twice now he had curtailed my feeding time with Charm. Even though he knew I wasn’t pleased, I had kept quiet, no wishing to circumvent his authority. Too, I knew he had every right to take Charm away from me. "She's going to be like me, you know that, don't you? "She'll have.. the gift."
"Do I seem to be a blithering idiot? Of course I know that. What's your point?"
"No point. I just wasn't sure if you.. knew that. There are things I need to teach her. Things about the cards she needs to understand. It just.. wouldn't be in her best interest if we were to be separated. She needs me."
"I feel like listening to this feeble attempt at trying to keep me from taking her. She will learn as all have who didn't have someone to teach them.. if the need arises."
I would have to stay on his good side, which was a rare side. He had me exactly where he wanted me, at his beck and call, submissive and compliant.
"The proper thing for you to have done was, have taken me at my word instead of playing this game with me. Additionally.. If you have a problem with the wet nurse.. you should say something. I don't rightly give a shit to be honest with you, but you could ask the question of why I have her tending the little girl when you are here. I haven't the patience I once did Astraea.."
Which meant his patience was less then none. "Very well. Why do you have a wet nurse to attend my daughter while I'm here? I can attend to her. I understand having the woman here when its your turn to keep her overnight, but not while I'm here."
"Because I had thought it might be important for her parents to spend time together. Whether it be fighting or fucking.. perhaps working out what will and will not happen with this child. I do not like that she's so fucking spoiled already, or that you have any right at all to dictate anything about her life. Since A. up until a few days a go you were a run away slave, B. you are a woman and that is MY child, and C. that you stole her away from me for the entire first var of her life."
I could not argue with any of his accusations.
"Please don't be angry with me. I only want what's best for her. I know you want that too."
I thought he would surely hit me. It was a look I’d seen so many times before. One born of fury and frustration. "YOU ARE A FUCKING SLAVE! I DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU!
IF I LEAVE YOU FOR THIRTEEN YEARS YOU BETTER BE WHERE I LEFT YOU! You don't want to walk around with my death on yours hands? And how did you know I was not already.. when I found that you ..the woman I loved who took my child an ran away? Was it easier to shoulder because you weren't for sure? You want to coddle her because you know what MAY happen to her.. and you feel for her. Not only is there nothing wrong with that but I
respect that. However.. more than anything especially given the fact she has a very good chance of having this gift. You can not coddle her."
"I wondered where you were every ehn of every day. Every time I looked at our daughter, I wondered about you. I'm sorry. I can only say it so many times. I'm just so terrified you're going to take her away from me. You're probably right, I need her more than she needs me. I didn't take her away from you to punish you. I just thought that maybe the two of us needed to start fresh, where no one knew us. I couldn't stay away from you though, because as much as I need her, she needs you, as do I. My actions were inappropriate and I know I deserved the punishment you meted out to me. But I am a good mother to her. Spoiled or not, no one would love and protect her like I would."
"A child need nothing more than her mother. I've told you I would not take her from you, unless you prove to be a bad mother. I am not going to repeat myself because you do not trust me. I wanted some time with you. I may get to see her more often than I see you. My days of freedom are few and far between. It would not be hard for me to be with her for a few ahn. But you... they already know about you. And if she can't have a father.. I will make sure she has her mother."
"They know about me, so it stands to reason they will eventually know about her. Your freedom? Is there something I should know? Do you think they would try to hurt.. Charm or I to get to you? I won't lie to you. I think that was part of the reason I left. I was.. fearful for Charm. Fearful that those that were against you might try and do her harm, should they find out about her."
"Do not concern yourself. That is my business... I said they know about you. They know that you were my slave. I told them that I freed you because my son got you with child. They do not care about you anymore, because they do not think they can use you to harm me. I will let you know when you need to worry."
"You can stay where every you like but I would appreciate that some night you stay at the Valerian House. I would appreciate if you let her come see me."
Of course I would. I wanted nothing less. "Does Aiden know he is the culprit for my pregnancy?"
"Yes, it has been the only thing we agreed on for the last var."
So it was settled, I feeling a little more secure in place.. either at his side.. or at his feet.
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