Panic. I could feel it pulsing in every part of my body, the icy cold in the pit of my stomach veining outwards. I had returned from Lucian’s house to Castor’s apartment, to find no sign of father.. or daughter. There was a moment when I thought he had taken her and disappeared, that I had perhaps angered him enough in some way that he would want to see how much he could hurt me. I paced for near half an ahn before they returned. He had simply taken her out, the two tired of being cooped up while I worked.
I knew as soon as he returned with her that I had over reacted, but still.. and even now as I write this, I can’t help but feel that I could lose her at any moment. I know I will lose him; it’s only a matter of time before he leaves again, and that I am resigned to. But to lose my daughter again would surely kill me.
Our relationship is one I have trouble putting into words. He descends upon Charm and I when I least expect it, and often leaves just as quickly. It is not a normal relationship by any means, and quite honestly, I’m not sure I would have it any other way. I realize he is a man who will never settle down, and as much as I’m sure he loves me, one woman will never be enough for him. We both know he would not be happy being a full time companion and father.
But then again, my life has never been normal. Why should any of my relationships be?
It’s only a Band-Aid that holds my heart together.
No comments:
Post a Comment