Imperfections and Flaws

He has moved us to the Cylinder Inn, Charm and I, Julian having been whisked off to an unnamed location.

He’s worried and perhaps a little afraid, which now I realize he has every right to be. He wants answers and as much as I would like for him to have them, I’m not sure that either I or Charm can give him exactly what he is looking for.

Charm knew things about me, my past that she could have not have collectively known, and yet, she did. She had nightmares about it and those have only recently come to pass into oblivion. I think she has seen things from his past as well, which would explain her protectiveness over Julian. She sees things she doesn’t yet understand, nor will she probably for several more years, until she has the thought process to sort and deal. Cain had told me long ago that she would be different then me, more so than I have ever been in that regard. I now see his prophecy is coming to light.

I had also considered that Charm would not, without the experiences behind her, be able to distinguish lies from truths, not when she had been taught to trust the adults around her.

He said my actions were irresponsible. I did not disagree. He was right and I had no excuse for not telling him, no matter my intent. Imperfections and flaws have always plagued me, both inside and out, and I have worried from the beginning that I would disappoint him.

I can’t blame my daughter for the things she sees, or knows, and yet, I cannot blame Lucian either for his pensiveness where she is concerned. When Charm touched his leg, I could feel him retreat, as if he was repulsed, even though his expression did not change. I don’t know, if I were him, I might feel much the same way.

He looks at us both differently now, and I don’t think it’s only because of the fact I didn’t tell him right away, the fact that he thinks I have betrayed him, but as if he is truly seeing us for the first time, as if we have caused this by what we are. Different. What worries me even more is that he might be right in his assumptions, because Charm has now admitted that the woman did not appear until I conceived.