A Lover’s Lullaby

I had stopped at the library after several ahns of cleaning at Gina’s shop, to get an armload of books to take home and study. It had been quite the exciting day, with Dor breaking her upstairs window, and a strange man hopping through it when she was breastfeeding. I think he was as frightened and confused as she was at the unexpectation of people, though I did stand with hammer poised, just in case he had ill intentions. I’m not really sure I could have hit him, but certainly I looked menacing enough with weapon in hand and at the ready. Dor allowed him to pass and as soon as he was safely away from Gina and child, went after him, but the stranger got away. I doubt that he’ll be back.

But I was in for another surprise when I returned to the small apartment in the Garden District. Of all people Cain was waiting for me.

He looks different, older, tired, weary from whatever he’s been doing for the last several months. I had thought he’d come for Charm, who he wasn’t suppose to return for until the season turned cold. He hadn’t though.

I’ve been doing well, for the most part. I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control, I’ve been keeping busy and I’ve been trying to move on. I never really know how hard that is, until I see him again. It’s no secret that I will always love him, that I have always loved him, but love has never been an easy road for us, and Cain has never been an easy man. Tonight was no exception.

When he kissed me, I was torn by the want.. the need to pull away, to disappear. How easy it would be to simply give myself over to familiarity, but I’m no longer the woman I was. I’ve changed, I’m different, and I’m afraid my metamorphosis is not a comely one. I confessed. I broke, I fell to the floor in a puddle of undiluted emotions and wept like the woman who had left the faire not so long ago. He told me I should have known better before I bedded Lucian, that I should have know what would happen. I could not disagree. My contract of trust had been verbal. Not that I think it would have made any difference.

He told me he loved me. Cain still loves me, even after what I have done.

But will he still love me when he sees what's inside of me?

Objects in the mirror were more fragile than they appeared. The mirror has shattered now and I am the slivers of glass that are chaotically concealed within the bloodstained furs.

Together we have played the lead roles in a lover’s lullaby, trying time and time again to fix a relationship built on passion and providence. I’ve never been good at denying him, and the only time in my life that I have ever told him no was when I carried another man’s child. And tonight.

How strange that the more things change, the more they stay the same.